...you're stuck halfway through the Chapel Perilous of your existential crisis [or early mid-life crisis, depending on your perspective...]. See, you've long understood and embraced the fact that life lacks an inherent, intrinsic meaning. [Or if such meaning exists, we're unable to accurately determine it through our subjective neurological grids and cultural bias]. Most things people do and aspire to are societal and cultural constructs.
See, but instead of progressing all the way through that dark existential tunnel to embrace the self created life, determining what things mean to you and what you REALLY want out of life - you know, specifically and not in a vague "Uh, you know... martial arts stuff and learning and what not...]
Instead you remain stuck halfway, half embracing the meaninglessness of everyday corporate "reality" and half justifying/rationalizing your participation in that which you don't REALLY want to do... while at the same time only halfa$$edly pursuing that which truly inspires you - resulting in a blase' life of unclear and unsure moves and actions.
Yes, flowing with the Tao and being like water is key... but you must also decide which direction you want to face or if you want to get in the water to begin with. No decision is also a decision, so the wise man told me.
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