"(760): I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmarttexts from last night:
(508): These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work"
"(412): fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
(717): Winning."
"Blond, after strenuous workout: God, I look like I just fucked the football team.
Blond friend: Guys like that look.
--Chelsea Piers
Overheard by: MtZ"
"Scepticism Inc. is narrated by an A.I. supermarket trolley. Yes. It’s the story of Edgar Malroy: proprietor a string of licensed Metaphysical Betting Shops, where punters can put-down money on religious assertions… let’s say, ten dollars on “God Is Love.” They get a badge to show-off to the rest of their congregation – see how strongly I believe? – Edgar gets their money, and of course there’s no way “the nuts” (as he affectionately calls them) can ever prove a result and collect their winnings.See, Edgar’s noticed that people with firm beliefs – be they monotheist, polytheist or atheist – will do just about anything to demonstrate how fervently they know their own article of faith to be true. And so he challenges them to “Put Your Money Where Your Metaphysics Are.”
…And it’s not until a lot of very nutty people are competing with one another – who can give away their money the fastest, to prove their strength of faith? – that they begin to twig what’s going on. Edgar’s commitment to the Agnostic Principal (“Who Knows?”) is so strong – and he believes so firmly that metaphysics is not just inherently silly but that the world would be better-off without it – that he’s cheerfully devised a way to bankrupt all the world’s organised religions.
Things get stranger, twistier, and more ludicrous from there on. Not least because Edgar – devoted enemy of Organised Faith – has accidentally fallen in love with God’s One True Representative."
"Lucky is a box turtle in Petaluma, California who lost his front legs in what was believed to be an attack by a raccoon. Now he's back in the game with furniture sliders taped to his belly."
"The Georgia Department of Natural Resources seized 500 turtles from Steve Santhuff, alleging his possession of them was illegal. A jury ruled in Santhuff's favor and the DNR had to return the turtles to Santhuff. Well, the agency returned some of them. More than 300 of the turtles died while in the agency's possession."
"...actor Jean-Claude Van Damme has signed to fight a professional Muay Thai fight in March 2010.Van Damme’s opponent will be Somluck Kamsing, a 1996 Olympic gold medal winner in boxing hailing for Thailand."
From K1 Legend"
"(541): Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]"
"(315): So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs."
"KOGA, Fukuoka -- Police here broke up a suspected commercial marijuana growing operation in a mountain forest here late last week, arresting three people and seizing 180 million yen's worth of cannabis."
"(763): Note to all middle aged 'I totally let myself go after childbirth' frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault."
