Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Joe Rogan is my God. And Santa Claus is a magic mushroom! Merry Christmas!!

One of my Gods, anyways... His latest is hilariously brilliant... Go to the link and read in full for the greatest of illuminations :)



Santa Claus was a mushroom.
Buckle up for a good one…
Santa Claus was a magic mushroom.
What the fuck?
Yup, that's very likely the origin of the original story of Santa Claus; a psychedelic mushroom called the amanita muscaria. I know, I know… it SOUNDS retarded, but that's probably where it all came from. The first time I ever heard about this, I was sitting around sacrificing the sacred plant to the fire gods with legendary hemp activist and advocate, Jack Herer...

He then went on to tell me about how the story of Santa Claus was actually about magic mushrooms, but how the story had gotten distorted and forgotten over the thousands of years its been told. Of course, my first thought when those words came out of his mouth was, "Holy shit. How high is THIS guy?" ...Well, Jack went deep into the story for me. Here's the synopsis, in my words.

Santa Claus is bright red and white. The amanita muscaria is also bright red and white. Santa Claus lives in the North Pole, and he has flying reindeer pulling his sleigh through the air. Reindeer are native to Siberia, and the shamanic use of this mushroom in Siberia is well documented... Also, the animal most connected with the amanita muscaria mushroom is the reindeer. It's their favorite food, and although I've never talked to a reindeer, I've got to think eating that shit all day must get them high as FUCK. Like, "flying" high.

Christmas trees are pine trees. Pine trees are the trees that the amanita muscaria grows under... When people would pick the mushrooms they would place them on the leaves of the tree to dry them in the sun. That would look an awful lot like when people decorate their trees with shiny ornaments.

People place red and white socks over the fireplace. OK, first off, why red and white socks? Because again, that's the color of the mushroom. And why do they hang it in front of the fireplace? Because that was another one of their techniques to dry the mushrooms out for storage.

...Santa lived in a magical place where he was surrounded by elves.

Sounds like a tripper to me.

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