Bush

No Touch Monkey!:

"There is no way Bush started drinking again.

To start drinking 'again' would require that he stopped drinking at some point...."

The Poor Man Institute » Would it be irresponsible to speculate about Bush’s relapse into alcoholism?:

"Would it be irresponsible to speculate about Bush’s relapse into alcoholism?
Posted by The Editors under Uncategorized

Faced with the biggest crisis of his political life, President Bush has hit the bottle again, The National Enquirer can reveal.

A few things:

1. The National Enquirer. Yeah, I know they get stuff right sometimes, and they’ve beaten libel suits and all that, but still: The National Enquirer. Noted.

2. On the other hand, the guy falls down alot. I don’t know what a normal amount of falling down is, an I imagine that some people have lifestyles that involve a higher risk of falling down than mine, and so that needs to be taken into account. That said, he fell off a Segway. That’s like … I don’t know what that’s like, like water flowing uphill or something. I’m not sure how you would go about doing that, falling off a state-of-the-art self-balancing transport, but I think there are instructions inside bottles of cheap Scotch.

...4. But it’s not just the falling down. The guy’s just weird sometimes - I’m not just talking about all the weird shit he says, or the way he’s always smiling like he just made some great joke after saying something utterly devoid of humor, or any of the other stuff. He’s just a weird duck. Maybe it’s just that you only ever see him in very artificial circumstances, but there’s just this sense I get that he’s not really there. Like if you were to open up his head and look inside you’d see these circus bears riding unicycles around and around in there. And sometimes he’ll give one of his ’significant’ glances, and I swear to God I can hear the theme to “The Twilight Zone”. I’m not really explaining myself well, I know, and I hesitate to even bring it up, but I’ve never liked him, never wanted to “have a beer” with him, and have always just felt on a gut level like something’s not quite where it’s supposed to be. I’m definitely not explaining myself. Try this: remember Clinton, how he always seemed completely unselfconscious and comfortable in his own skin? Like that, time minus fifty. Throw in some drinkies and a few blinding hangovers, though, and it starts making more sense to me.

5. But here’s the thing. Let’s say he is drinking. Let’s say he is. Bush is a self-diagnosed alcoholic. Bush is a self-diagnosed alcoholic who woke up one day and cured himself (assist: Jesus). That is the story, yes? I’m not missing anything? Now, I don’t doubt that there is a legitimate medical diagnosis of alcoholism, and I’m not trying to make light of it in any way, but the lay definition of “alcoholic” is pretty close to the Dylan Thomas definition: “anyone who drinks more than me...”