texts from last night:
"(410): I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think."
texts from last night:
"(847): So they call this 'a walk of shame' but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?"
texts from last night:
"(662): Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45."
I've done this, or close enough, leastways - texts from last night:
"(337): I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week."
texts from last night:
"(214): Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada."
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