You gotta appreciate folks who can keep their jobs interesting...

12PM Signs Your Cabin Pressure May Be a Bit Unbalanced

Flight attendant: ... We don't expect a change in cabin pressure, but if it does occur, a designer oxygen mask will be released in front of you. Secure the mask on yourself first, then, if you are traveling with children, put a mask on the child with the most potential, then put a mask on the other one...
Mother passenger: [Gasps, horrified.]
Flight attendant: ... This is a non-smoking flight, but if you do decide to smoke, we will have you reseated on the wing of the plane where you can watch our feature presentation of Bye Bye Birdie or Gone with the Wind...

Southwest Airlines flight from Kansas City, Missouri, to Tampa, Florida

Overheard by: Jessica
via Overheard in the Office, Jan 19, 2007