Because everyone should know what a labiaplasty is.

Love Me, Love My New Labia / Because nothing says "Happy Valentine's Day" like stimulating plastic surgery. As seen on TV!:

"Where have you been that you haven't heard of, say, labiaplasty, the happy cosmetic reconfiguration of the outer labia of the vagina for purposes of, well, the happy reconfiguring of the outer labia of the vagina for cosmetic and beautification purposes? Makes for a fabulous proof of your love.

It's simply the latest thing. It's simply the hottest trend alongside Brazilian Butt Lifts and Six Pack Tummy Tucks and "Gummy Bear" breast implants (named for the new silicon material that resembles the beloved candy in heft and general squishiness and, one likes to think, overall addictiveness) and hymen-reattachment surgery (!) and male pectoral implants and the umpteen other newfangled cosmetic procedures that are marketed like some sort of bitchin' sports drink by celeb-wannabe L.A. surgeons and which are right now being featured on hideously moribund and yet strangely fascinating shows like "Extreme Makeover" and "Dr. 90210" and in the back of high-end Condé Nast nouveau yuppie magazines you should never read.

These are the things you need to know. This is the world in which we live and the culture about which we fight like drunken cats to make sense of, and it is my belief that you simply cannot go through this modern world anymore without knowing that increasing numbers of men are getting uncircumsized (cosmetic foreskin reconstruction) and women are getting their labia reconfigured like a '69 Trans Am on "Pimp My Ride."

I am not sure what to make of this. I am split down the middle like a manly calf muscle awaiting a new silicon insert. Is it cause for wanton celebration, a championing of the radical utopian idea that we should be absolutely free to mold and shape our fragile but oh-so-transitory vessels as we see fit for this brief bizarre mutant thing we call life and why the hell not?

Or is it something to be dreaded and mistrusted and even mourned, a loss of humanity and our connection to nature and the careful processes of time? Is it a little bit of both?

The line of what's acceptable and what we're capable of and what we should allow for our bodies is ever shifting, baby, and it's all you can do you make sure it doesn't get drawn across your face."