Ah yes, this feels relevant.

Alchemical Braindamage:

"I've recently felt it important to consciously balance the 'slant' of the site more towards the middle, and away from the excessively catastrophic and doom based. In keeping with the thoughts expressed here, I am being more careful about deliberately 'selling' a particular view, especially to myself.

On a more personal note, I'm very concerned right now with moving my personal view more in the direction of enthusiastic optimism. Y'see, lately the biggest disconnect has been between my objective experience, which is undoubtedly of a higher quality in terms of constructive complexity and productive personal growth than ever before, and my felt experience, which has increasingly been wracked by tension, anxiety, feelings of looming pressure, and most recently cataclysmic paranoia, and borderline psychosis.

What I've come to understand is the hidden trap inside the idea of 'struggle'. The idea that I have to struggle to become happy, productive, positive and a fully realized person. This is doubtless a carry-over from my youth where I was surrounded by a family rife with crime, depression and addiction, generally disaffected and antipathetic toward society, unhappy, and lonely. It seemed my life at that time was nothing more than a struggle to not go under. It never occurred to me to simply change my view of life."