"I've been straddling two different worlds. I have friends in both. I know people who are so artsy they have never been able to hold down a normal job. They cannot deal with the bullshit involved. And I have friends who are totally corporate, who completely buy into the idea of getting ahead and making money and all that. For many years I felt kind of half-assed about it. I could never commit to either direction. I couldn't go totally corporate because it was such an obvious sham. You were always chasing after a carrot on a stick. But you were never, ever, ever gonna get that carrot. It continues to amaze me that so many people seem to believe that eventually, if they run fast enough, they're gonna get that carrot. On the other hand, I saw the misery my artsy type friends had to endure. They were always scraping just to get by. (Of course, some people make artistic careers work, and more power to ya if you can. The world needs more good art.) Me, I always kept a day job in the straight world and did music and Zen and that kinda stuff on the side. Though, truth be told, I was, and am, far more comitted to music, art and Zen than I'll ever be to the corporate type stuff that pays my bills.
One of the things sitting Zazen does for you is show you just how lame and ridiculous most of the 'straight' world is. Once you begin to see through the scam, it can start to be very difficult to play along with it. Go far enough into it, and you begin to see that the entire universe as most people conceive of it is absolutely false. The material world is an illusion. The spiritual world is an even cheezier illusion. When you run into this, it can be tempting to just want to walk away from it all.
...The fact is, no matter how much you hate the day to day drudgery of your life, you are here because this day to day dudgery is where you really want to be. You don't want to live in the world of Perfect Bliss, no matter how much you think you do. You want to live in the world of jobs, and bosses, and paperwork and car insurance payments. That is your true desire. You can find out what your true desire is by simply opening your eyes and looking around at where you are right now.
Lost of us don't wanna face this. When I gave this answer at my talk last week I could tell from the face of the person who'd asked that this was not at all what she wanted to hear. I can relate to that because when I first heard it it was not at all what I wanted to hear either. I wanted Perfect Bliss, man! I still sometimes do. But I cannot deny the truth. And the truth is what I'm living in right now."
Monday, January 02, 2006
It is always now.
Hardcore Zen: IZOD MISSIONARIES IN THE SPIELING GENDER POOL or How to Keep It Together Without Really Trying:
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