"I appear to be a verb." - Buckminster Fuller

At least I'm pretty sure that was Fuller. Regardless, reminded me of this, below. Often different paths to the same conclusions.

HARDCORE ZEN: GREETINGS FROM THE "BAD BOY OF ZEN":

"Basically the Buddhist view of a person is not that each of us is a fixed object. A person is a set of general tendencies. And those tendencies change.

Attachment is when you start to believe that things can or should remain one way forever. That way you always relate to the same "person" as time passes.

But the people you relate to change, as you change. So your relationship with them changes. And this is never easy. But if everyone involved can accept the fact that these changes are occurring, the transitions can be easier.

Sometimes it's irreconcilable. But I think in most cases you can somehow accommodate or acclimate to the changes and carry on.

So it's not that you are attached to Allan. The "Allan" to which you are attached doesn't exist. That "Allan" is a figment of your imagination. It's an image in your mind based on past experiences and filled in with your own inventions (assumptions like "if his expression in like this he must be sad" etc.). These accumulate over time and form a picture that is easier to relate to than the real person is..."