Wednesday, November 08, 2006

How would Superheroes vote?

Hilarious.

From Dave's Long Box -
So, in an effort to piss off readers of all political persuasions, here then is the breakdown...

SUPERMAN – MODERATE REPUBLICAN

Small town values and big city pragmatism inform Superman’s middle-of-the-road political beliefs... Hey, Superman, it doesn’t matter if you cry after executing some Kryptonian criminals – you’re still pro-death penalty.

WONDER WOMAN – SOCIALIST

Wonder Woman was raised in an all-female society, a monarchist utopia with strong socialist overtones and plenty of hot girl-on-girl action. Wonder Woman came to “Patriarch’s World” with a clear liberal agenda but a willingness to crack skulls if need be. She’s heavily into social justice, environmental issues, and sisterhood. Wonder Woman is not beyond sticking a high-heeled red boot up your ass if you get in the way of her Sapphic Socialism.

GREEN ARROW – TOTAL FUCKING COMMUNIST

Green Arrow is a loose cannon, politically speaking. He’s somewhere to the left of Alec Baldwin on the political spectrum and he’s armed to the teeth with those crazy-ass arrows of his. Green Arrow is an unapologetic leftist. He's always bitching about how the Justice League are a bunch of fascists and railing against “The Man.” He’s soft on drugs – his sidekick Speedy was a frickin’ junkie! An advocate of redistribution of wealth and his own pinko version of justice, this modern day Robin Hood wants to take your hard-earned money and give it to some soup kitchen or something. Go smoke another joint, hippy!

GREEN LANTERN – REPUBLICAN

...A former test pilot and current galactic police officer, Green Lantern has always been a running dog for The Man. Dude carries a WMD on his ring finger and flies around reshaping reality according to his idea of The Way Things Should Be. Total neocon. (I am so getting hate email for this.)

BATMAN – INDEPENDENT

Batman is a true independent, a man of solid principles and baffling contradictions. This may be because he is mentally ill. Batman has an almost paranoid distrust of government institutions, yet believes in the rule of law. He’s an urban vigilante, yet he’s a proponent of gun control. Batman is anti-death penalty to a fault – how many times has he had to capture the mass-murdering Joker and return him to Arkham Asylum instead of the electric chair? Contradictions be damned. Batman follows his own moral compass, and Batman is always right. When Batman votes, he weighs all the options and chooses the best person for the job, regardless of party affiliation or whether they are actually running for office. In other words, he writes-in BATMAN on every ballot.

DAREDEVIL– FAR-LEFT DEMOCRAT

Let’s see: Rich, highly-educated skirt-chasing Manhattan defense attorney. Total liberal. Enjoy that Streisand concert, Daredevil.

THE HULK – LIBERTARIAN

"Hulk just want to be left alone.”
More at the link...

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