Warren Ellis Cracks Me Up

BORN DEAD:

"Warren is home alone from Saturday afternoon until Tuesday evening. Within 24 hours of this message, will Warren be:

1) So drunk that he can barely see, throwing lit matches at the neighbour's baby and calling in bomb threats to totally random telephone numbers?

(Like that time he wiped the outgoing-number data off his fax machine and then wrote a letter in marker with his left hand that read 'I am the brain damaged brother you never knew you had. Call me today or I'll kill someone' and then faxed it to comics artists Steve Pugh)"