Operation Basra Badger - Reports now coming in from our correspondents...

Reports and photos now coming in from our Australian correspondent Dan [why Kev calls them a nation of "degenerate criminals and sheep-fuckers" is beyond me. I found Dan rather pleasant.]

We'll start off with a heavily edited meta-pic [pic of a pic], cause I don't really know if Blogger's Terms of Service would cover it in all its "den of iniquity" glory. Worse yet, it was the only one of three I could edit enough to get up here. Ah, sin and vice. Good times.

An early shocker to the day was when a just purchased and full bottle of Malibu Rum slipped from my grasp to meet the cold, hard, unforgiving pavement in Nagoya. I let my fellow travelers think it was simply an accident, occurring while fumbling to put my change away.

The truth of it was, and I didn't think they could handle the truth, was that the bottle fell from my grasp only because I had to fight off the rapidly advancing and attacking cadre of deadly ghost ninja vampires. And while I managed to defeat them all without dropping the bottle, in order to successfully close the temporal portal from which they emerged, that particular magickal spell required alcoholic spirits to be successful.

Why yes, I do watch a lot of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Why do you ask?

But that's a pic of the bottle I dropped/did my magickal working with above, with Kev's powerful expression of rage for any possibility that alcohol might be wasted.


Kev, he does love the food.

Damn, I look positively contemplative. Though in reality, I believe this to be the early stages of the alcohol poisoning.

And Kev, he does love his cigars as well.

His large, round and thick rods that he loves to suck on.

Not at all gay.

He says.


Here you see me with my second bottle of rum [and Coke]- aware and always vigilant - on the lookout for more ninja ghost vampires, unbeknownst to my friends.

Above, Ry looks as if he either wants to fight me or fuck me.

Had I known, I'd have slept lighter.

Whereas below, my expression communicates perhaps my default setting when listening to Ry - one of slightly perplexed confusion.



STRAIGHT.

UP.

GANGSTA.

PIMPIN'.


Keiko, the kind bar owner who was kindly enough to allow us to order up a pizza, who was sadly, forced to close her eyes below, when facing the sheer awesome-y magnitude of Kev's inaugural gun show.



Inspired by Green Day, Kev begins his moshing/'rasslin-athon.

Notice, despite my level of intoxication at this point, and whilst keeping a firm grip on the mic, that in the first pic I'm properly posting on the hip to create space in order to turn my hips and pull guard - in true brazilian jiu-jitsu/mma style. While Kev, the bastard, prepares to burn out my eye with a cigar. [My story and I'm sticking to it.]

And in the second I'm tucking my chin and gripping my opponent's arm in order to create space.

...and of course at no time did I stop singing. I maintained the high road, of course, throughout, and at all times. As long as there remains no photographic proof to the contrary.

So, to sum up... I am awesome. That is all.



We are the ghosts who walk.

And smoke, clearly.


Above, a bar lass admires Kev's manicure and french tips.

I thought it was a bit much, personally.

Walking home at the end of the night, and in the pic below, you can see, I am feeling no pain, and I AM DONE.

Yes, indeed.



NOW.


THAT'S.


JUST.


WRONG.

[Even Dan is shocked!]

What Tarot Card Are You?

And the thing is, no matter what variation of my name I put in, I kept getting "The Fool" card.

You Are The Fool

You are a fascinating person who is way beyond the concerns of this world. Young at heart, you are blissfully unaware of any dangers ahead. You are a true wanderer - it has be difficult finding your place in this world. Full of confidence, you are likely to take a leap of faith. Your fortune: You are about to embark on a new phase in your life. This may mean changing locations, jobs, friends, or love status. You are open about what the future will bring, and free of worry. You have made your peace with fate, and you're ready to start down your new path.

What Tarot Card Are You?

No prayer of keeping motivated terrorists out...

So saith David Mackett, the president of the Airline Pilots Security Alliance...

"No shit." So saith... um... me.

Hot Air » Blog Archive » A Pilot on Airline Security:

"There is simply no deployable technology that has a prayer of keeping a motivated, prepared terrorist out of the system every time — even most times. TSA misses more than 90% of detectable weapons at passenger checkpoints in their own tests, and it is not their fault, because of the limitations of technology and the number of inspections they must conduct. This doesn’t count several classes of completely undetectable weapons like composite knives and liquid explosives.

What is TSA’s fault is their abject failure to embrace more robust approaches than high visibility inspections, and their accommodations to the Air Transport Association’s revenue interests at the expense of true security, while largely ignoring the recommendations of the front-line airline crews and air marshals who have no direct revenue agenda and are much more familiar with airline operations than are the bureaucrats (remember government ignoring the front-line FBI agents who tried to warn them about 9/11?). Deplorable amounts of money have been wasted on incomprehensible security strategies, while KISS [Keep It Simple, Stupid] methods proven to work have been ignored."

A sad day for the newspaper industry.

My youth was fully informed by my mom's frequent purchase of the Weekly World News [and the Enquirer and the Star, of course.] When you think about it, boy does that explain a lot.

Weekly World News Shutting Down (SFScope):

"American Media has decided to suspend publication of Weekly World News, both the print publication and the web site. No reason was given at press time, although reliable sources do tell us that management turned down at least one offer to buy the publication."

Well, this clears that up.

Peaceful Warrior Blog:

"Those of us aspiring to a more spiritual way of life are presumably not supposed to judge others - but that in itself is a sort of judgment (i.e. “Judgments are bad”!) Besides, judging is one of those things we humans do best, and continuously. We compare one thing to another, separate the real from the false, what we like and don’t like, and so forth.

Judgments are normal and fine, as long as one does not mistake them for “truth.” They are, after all, just our subjective opinions. We are entitled to them, but not entitled to insist that others share them."

Operation Basra Badger - The 13 Hour Drunken Coldcut Photo Remix.

So I headed up to Nagoya for the weekend for a belated birthday blowout with a buddy a mine - Kev, who's just entered his Jesus year. If he ascends bodily to heaven, we'll both know being raised Catholic paid off. I waited all year for my ascension, but it didn't come. There's only so much blasphemy I can do, you know.

Regardless, I headed up, and fellow expat world traveler Ry headed down from Tokyo. We both got in on Friday, the day before the 'official' kickoff, and warmed up our livers and conditioned our brain cells with some light drinking and cigar smoking - just to stay in form, of course.

As the conversations tend to do amongst superior minds like ours, it quickly turned to world events, US politics, Iraq and the merits of national health systems. [Sadly, I'm serious. A little education is a dangerous thing.]

The only conclusions we managed to come to, however, were that Kev doesn't feel he should have to pay taxes to cover health costs for donut eating fatties, I'm a godless pinko commie-bastard, and Ry has what can only be described as an unhealthy man-love for Bill Clinton.

Ry stands here, mouth agape, clearly taken aback at the size of Kev's guns, circumferences achieved without even flexing.

So after having begun our 13 hour drinkasmokathon on Sat afternoon at a den of iniquity - the type in which photography is not allowed [use your imaginations people] - we began our pub crawl in earnest.

See here, for example, Kev + Beer = Happiness. The equation is simple really.


And you can see the distinction in the next pic, in a nice little Irish pub - perfect for an Irish lad born in England - where Kev without beer clearly looks pensive and distraught.


Here you see Kev's "Whatthefuckmate?" face as he expresses his displeasure at my picking up a box of Phillies Sweets - 6 for 800yen! - as he continues his elitist practice of smoking only Cuban cohibas while pontificating on endlessly about cigar wraps and leaves and rolling and whatnot. Yeah, maybe yours are better Kev, but mine taste like candy, so there ya go...


Little known fact that what is commonly thought of as an obscene hand gesture actually means, amongst most civilized tribes of the lower Amazon "Hey bro, I love you too."

True story, swear to god.


Any bar that let's you order in your own pizza, well that's just good folks.

After pizza we headed off to the next bar, with our full complement of annoying gaijin we for the night.

Joined by Australian triathlete extraordinaire [and loud ass snorer - but that was later] Dan, and John... as we left the land of deep couches and delivered pizza, heading off to see the next pub, to insure that safety, rights and standards were being met throughout all of Nagoya...


Here is the first, of many, "gun shows" by Kevin throughout the evening.

Yes Kevin, we know, you're very manly. Well done.

In the "damn small world" category, out on the crawl Kev met a lad who grew up not 2 miles from where he grew up. They drank and reminisced of those wacky Catholic/Protestant rivalries. Also known as, I was delighted to learn, the heathens VS the kneelers.

And then, in the finest Japanese tradition, it was on to karaoke, where the voices of four powerful, yet intoxicated men, shook the very foundations of music itself.

Thanks to Kev, the selections were sure to include prodigious amounts of country and western, Johnny Cash, Elvis, and Tom Jones.

I've yet to figure out how a man born in Britain may actually be the biggest redneck I've ever met. I'm from North Carolina for god's sake. That's just embarrassing.

Here you can see both the sadness and disdain in Kevin's eyes as he's forced to toast with my girly bottle of Malibu Rum. I care not!

This may be the greatest karaoke picture of all time. Made even more so that they weren't paying attention to the camera and were just totally rocking out.

I must confess that I didn't quite understand their enthusiasm for the song - "It's Raining Men [Hallelujah]!"

They were really into it though.



This next pic was snapped after I had just committed what turned out to be both a strategic and tactical karaoke error. See, I was not aware that choosing to hammer out a Green Day song would necessarily CAUSE Kev to think that moshing inside a karaoke room was a good idea. And as boys will be boys, moshing turns to 'rasslin both quick, fast and in a hurry.

One broken glass and cigar burn later, time was called on the bout on the account of too much masculinity.

Good thing we hadn't been drinking. That might've impaired our judgement.

And it should be noted, contrary to how it looks, Dan was not trying to have his way sexually with Kev in this picture.

That was later. [Hi Dan!]

Come the end of karaoke [and moshing] we were all feeling the manly hetero-bonding love...

...though what possessed these three to take this big gay group hug walk down the streets of Nagoya is still a mystery.

Kev quickly reasserted his masculinity a short time later, at our final bar of the night, by becoming the man-meat in a bar wench sandwich.

As Dan continued his mastery in the fine art of chair dancing.

Last call at the last bar. Kev treats us to what will be, sadly, his final gun show of the night [morning?] as all look on in amazement and wonder.



It's good to know, that whether you be in America or Japan, after 13 hours of carousing about town and entirely too much alcohol, there will always be a Denny's Restaurant [I kid you not] to go into and get some greasy food to soak up all that nonsense in your system. Sadly, no hash browns, but beggars can't be choosers.


Here we are the next day, outside of Kev's host family's house, after 6 hours of sleep and gorging ourselves on more pizza [the diet of salt, cheese and fat really is required after a night of alcohol.]

Kev is regaling us with tales of courage in this pic as he points to the very location that he once had his way with a squirrel. He explained it as something done in the finest of English traditions, and that back home it's considered the highest form of love you can achieve, outside of a public school or unless you're a Catholic altar boy.

Strange lad that Kevin, but I like him.

Hope you had a happy birthday, man.

A few un-blogged [it's a word] pics from the wkend are here, for those inclined to such things -

2007-7-23

Hi Mom Snider!

Are all Japanese nurses crazy?

[Ha Ha!]

asahi.com : FUKUOKA: Nurse arrested in toenail case - ENGLISH:

"A 40-year-old senior nurse here who allegedly ripped out patients' toenails last month was arrested Monday on suspicion of injuring a bedridden 70-year-old woman, police said."

I'm surprised this hasn't created more "outrage."

Folks just love to be offended by stuff.


Ted Rall, Michelle Malkin Exchange Words Over Rall Cartoon:

"Universal Press Syndicate editorial cartoonist Ted Rall has responded to criticism from Creators Syndicate columnist Michelle Malkin.

The conservative Malkin used her blog to slam the liberal Rall for his July 14 cartoon saying there are some similarities between American soldiers and Muslim suicide bombers."

According to my theories, this means that Red Skelton killed JFK.

Rigorous Intuition always has the best crazy stuff.

Rigorous Intuition (v. 2.0): Monday, July 23:

""In the summer of 1963 comedian Red Skelton was loafing alone on a beach in California when, according to what he later told reporter Dick Kleiner (Newspaper Enterprise Association), he lapsed into a semitrance for about an hour. Upon recovering full consciousness, he discovered a terrifying message written in his own hand in the notebook he always carried with him. He doesn't remember writing it or even thinking the words. The message was, 'President Kennedy will be killed in November.'" - John Keel, Operation Trojan Horse"

Image via Wikipedia.

Karma works retroactively, apparently.

If you're an asshole to someone in the present, bad things will happen to you in the past.


PostSecret: Sunday Secrets:

"(PostSecret is an ongoing community art project where people mail in their secrets anonymously on one side of a homemade postcard.)"

"My prediction? Pain."

Marvin, are you in California this week?

Overheard in the Office | Isn't That an Adam Sandler Movie?:

"Coworker #1, shadowboxing and humming: Dom, duh-duh, dom.
Coworker #2: Are you singing Eye of the Tiger?
Coworker #1: No, I am singing Rocky.
Coworker #2: But that is Eye of the Tiger.
Coworker #1: Are you sure? I thought it was Rocky.
Coworker #2: No, it's Eye of the Tiger.
Coworker #1: What movie was that?
Coworker #2: Are you a moron?

1160 Battery Street
San Francisco, California"

More and ever increasing security theater.

It'd be funny if it wasn't so sad.

Guy gets stopped for his made-from-a-kit iPod battery charger.

Schneier on Security: The TSA and the Case of the Strange Battery Charger:

A handful of people with no knowledge of physics, engineering, or pyrotechnics are responsible for determining what is and what is not safe to bring on a plane. They're paid minimum wage and told to panic if they see something they don't recognize. Does this make me feel safer? It doesn't really matter. Implementing real security would bring the cost of flying up, which would likely cause a collapse of the airborne transportation network this country has worked so hard to build up.

The UK banned laptop computers in carry-on luggage for a few days and quickly reversed the idea. The lack of laptops would make the option unattractive to business professionals.

...So the TSA finally let me onto my flight with the two devices they told me they weren't going to let me take on my flight. They told me the device looked like an I.E.D., then let me on the plane with it.

Does that mean I can bring them on my flight next week?

And that's the problem: the TSA is both arbitrary and capricious, and it's impossible to follow the rules because no one knows how they will be applied."

Picture via BoingBoing.

The curse of being a history major is knowing that "homeland" makes us sound like a buncha nazis.

I know it creeped me the hell out when I first heard "Department of Homeland Security."

Jahwol.

[I swear, they ever switch over to "The Fatherland" I'ma definitely stay overseas.]

Reason Magazine - Hit & Run > What Does "Homeland" Mean to You?:

"One comment from Linda Lewis from Branson, Mo., really resonated. She was complaining that when NPR interviewed Homeland Security advisor Frances Townsend about the new National Intelligence Estimate that the interviewer had "bought into" the language of "protecting the homeland."

Ms. Lewis complained: "I wasn’t alive during World War II, but I associate “the homeland” with Nazi propaganda. It’s fascistic and offensive." She prefers "U.S" or "America."

For me, too, the word "homeland" conjures a kind of antediluvian primitive nationalism (tribalism) based on blood and soil, not a people united by their devotion to political ideals like liberty and free speech."

This IS America.

Jimmy Dean Chocolate Chip Pancakes & Sausage on a Stick

[Just for you Kevin.]

I don't even like opera, but this is pretty awesome.

Paul Potts - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia:

"Paul Potts (born 1971 in Bristol, England), from Port Talbot in South Wales, is a singer who became the winner of the first series of ITV's Britain's Got Talent, singing operatic arias and impressing the judges in all of his performances. At the time of his victory on Britain's Got Talent, he had been working in The Carphone Warehouse, but following his win he has been signed by the show's judge Simon Cowell to record an album. Potts has previously worked in unpaid opera productions from 1999 to 2003, however, illness in 2003 brought an end to his amateur opera career.



Potts is said to have first sung Opera in 1999 in a karaoke competition, dressed as Pavarotti, although he had said during the show that his voice had always been a source of solace in the past when bullied, so he would have sung from a younger age. That same year he appeared in the Michael Barrymore talent show My Kind of Music. Although he did not win the competition, he won £8,000, which helped to pay for singing lessons in Italy. During his singing course he was selected as one of the best students, to sing in front of Luciano Pavarotti and Katia Ricciarelli, who were apparently impressed with his singing.

...Potts broke his collarbone in a bicycle accident in 2003, which prevented him from pursuing opera as a career. He says that this, as well as financial difficulties, led to him entering the talent show...



...In the interview that was broadcast before his performance in the semi-final, Paul stated that he had trouble with being bullied in school, and that it may have had an influence on his (lack of) self-confidence.

He has been married since 2003 to Julie-Anne, whom he met in an Internet chat room.

Until June 19, 2007 Potts worked as a manager at the Bridgend Carphone Warehouse, a mobile phone store around 8 miles from his home town."

Yeah, they're not gonna hate us.

ABC News: Inside the Surge:

"A few days later U.S. soldiers are back in the neighborhood looking for weapons and insurgents. They spotted a suspicious car circling the block, and the driver did not respond when told to stop. The soldiers opened fire and pulled the driver's body from the car.

They dragged the body to the nearest front yard and tried to revive the driver, unsuccessfully. A neighbor said that she thought he was a taxi driver coming to pick her up, and that he was circling the block while looking for her house.

The man, who may have been a taxi driver, was killed because he failed to stop his car. According to Sean Smith, "Their [U.S. soldiers] first priority is to defend themselves. The frustration is not, 'Look how difficult this is.' The frustration is 'Look how difficult this is and what exactly for?'"
(Sean Smith/Guardian)"