Emotional Truth

d r i f t g l a s s: Two cents on a Million Little Pieces.:

"I do know that once upon a time I dated an otherwise nice woman who insisted that her “emotional truths” be given equal weight to mere “factual truths'. So for example, on several occasions when she got all cranked up believing she had been wronged, after she clearly and verifiably learned that she had been in error, she was of the adamant opinion that she was still owed an apology.

(And in the interest of full-disclosure, at some point, near the end of our brief sojourn together, having grown tired of it, it is likely that I might have loudly opined that she was out of her fucking mind. And she might have insisted that I take it back. And then it’s possible that I might have suggested that whether or not it was really-for-real-true, she should honor the fact that I “felt” she was nuts as being “emotionally true” and get a doctor to write her a scrip for lithium ASAP.

Because I can be kind of a bastard sometimes.)

She was quite insistent she was right-ish, because in her mind, a thing and how you feel about a thing were both equally valid and correct ways of being “true”.

And in my travels I have met a whole lot of people like her, and they are all, to varying degrees, just plain wrong. "

Veganism a threat to national security, apparently.

ACSBlog: The Blog of the American Constitution Society: ACLU to Feds: Stop Spying on Vegans:

"The American Civil Liberties Union has released photographs that the government took of vegans protesting in front of a honey-baked ham store."

The March of Progress

The Truth About the State of our Union:

"According to the non-partisan National Journal, since President Bush first stood before Congress and the nation in 2001, the median income in this country has decreased, the jobless rate has jumped from 3.9% to 4.9% and the number of families living in poverty has increased from 8.7% to 10.2%. Our trade deficit has doubled. Inflation has gone up. Personal bankruptcies have gone up. Consumer debt has gone up. College tuition has gone up. And, the price of gas has gone up. All the while, this Administration has turned a $128 billion federal budget surplus into a $319 billion deficit.

Today, almost 6 million more Americans do not have any health insurance than when President Bush took office. In total, over 45.5 million Americans, or over 15% of our total population, have no health care coverage at all.

During his 2003 address, President Bush told the nation that Saddam Hussein 'had biological weapons sufficient to produce over 25,000 liters of anthrax', 'materials sufficient to produce more than 38,000 liters of botulinum toxin', 'as much as 500 tons of sarin, mustard and VX nerve agent' and 'upwards of 30,000 munitions capable of delivering chemical agents'.

Today, almost three years after the start of the President's war of choice, we know Iraq had no weapons of mass destruction, had no connection to al-Qaeda and posed no threat to our nation. Yet, our armed forces are bogged down in the middle of civil war that our own generals say cannot be won by military force. Our presence in Iraq is counterproductive and has cost the lives of over 2,200 US troops and $250 billion."

Check out the big brain on the Dalai Lama...

Meditation found to increase brain size:

"People who meditate grow bigger brains than those who don't. Researchers at Harvard, Yale, and the Massachusetts Institute of Technology have found the first evidence that meditation can alter the physical structure of our brains. Brain scans they conducted reveal that experienced meditators boasted increased thickness in parts of the brain that deal with attention and processing sensory input."

"The only thing we have to fear..."

Fafblog! the whole worlds only source for Fafblog.:

"'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself,' says me.
'And zombies,' says Giblets.
'Yes, and zombies,' says me. 'But we should also fear our fear of zombies.'
'Fear of zombies is useful,' says Giblets. 'It got us way up in this tree out of reach of the zombies.'
'Well yeah that's true,' says me. 'But maybe it prevents us from workin together with the zombies to overcome our differences.'
'As long as the zombies adhere to their rigid pro-eating-us agenda no compromise is possible!' says Giblets.
'But Giblets that's what compromise is all about,' says me. 'Maybe if we compromise on gettin eaten they'll compromise on pork tariffs an the border dispute.'
'Zombies will never give up their pork tariffs,' says Giblets."

That's some basic NLP right there...

Tricks of the Trade: Trainer:

"If you want to get people to participate in a workshop or presentation, ask them 'What questions do you have?' and wait for someone to answer. The usual 'Any questions?' acts as a participation deterrent, as it requires the questioner to be a speed bump in the presentation. 'What questions do you have?' implies that participants are expected to say something, and they often will."

It's like a Zen Koan

Overheard in the Office: The Voice of the Cubicle - 3PM Update Payroll:

"3PM Update Payroll

Bookkeeper: What is Susan's last name?
Office Manager: Susan who?"

I have GOT to start watching 24.

Kiefer Sutherland Vs. Ye Rustic Inn - Defamer:

"“24” STAR Kiefer Sutherland shocked staffers at the Ye Rustic Inn in Los Feliz, Calif., the other morning when he bellied up to the bar around 9 a.m. demanding to start a tab, reports Steppin’ Out magazine. Editor Chaunce Hayden says the normally thick-waisted Sutherland looked “rail-thin” when he entered the tiny dive bar with a group of rowdy pals and ordered a round of drinks. According to witnesses, when presented with the bill, Sutherland claimed his wallet was “indisposed” - “It’s been stolen! I promise I’ll come back and pay.” At that point, things got weird. “He started to go into a series of karate kicks in the middle of the floor while the bartender, waitress and several customers looked on,” Hayden reports."

It's a Nine-Elevenmas miracle!

Fafblog! the whole worlds only source for Fafblog.:

"Now some crazy people say the president broke some silly old laws like FISA and the National Security Act and the Fourth Amendment. Are these crazy people crazy?
A. They sure are! Maybe those laws worked back in 1978 back when Leonid Brezhnev was snortin coke with Ayatollah Khomeini and groovin to the hits of the Bee Gees, but in today's dark and dangerous times they just aren't enough.
Q. Things sure have changed since the innocent days of mutually assured destruction! But is it legal for the president to ignore the law?
A. Maybe not according to plain ol stupid ol regular law, but we're at war! You don't go to war with regular laws, which are made outta red tape and bureaucracy and Neville Chamberlain. You go to war with great big strapping War Laws made outta tanks and cold hard steel and the American Fightin Man and WAR, KABOOOOOOM!
Q. How does a War Bill become a War Law?
A. It all begins with the president, who submits a bill to the president. If a majority of both the president and the president approve the bill, then it passes on to the president, who may veto it or sign it into law. And even then the president can override himself with a two-thirds vote.

...Well if you want, the president can stop the illegal wiretapping just for you.
Q. Really? Well thanks, that'd be great!
A. And then the terrorists can come and eat you.
Q. Wait! What?
A. Cause without the wiretaps there's nothin to stop the terrorists from eatin you, yknow. The terrorists and their army of bees.
Q. Oh no! I'm allergic to terrorists AND bees!
A. Oh that's too bad, cause now the president hasta stop the illegal wiretaps and let alllll those terrorist bees eat you.

...Q. Can the president eat a baby?
A. If that baby has suspected ties to al Qaeda, then it's the president's duty to eat it - for the sake of national security.
Q. The president doesn't want to eat sweet, delicious babies. He just wants to protect America from the growing threat of a rogue baby insurgency."

"Keep in mind, there is nothing that I’ve ever put out that there isn’t some white corporation hasn’t permitted you to see."

NEWSARAMA - ANIMATED SHORTS 256: CHECKING IN ON KAPPA MIKEY:

"Boondocks did create an episode that raised the hackles of a number of people on both sides of the political spectrum. Entitled “The Return of the King,” the episode was about a monumental dream lead character Huey Freeman has. In it, Martin Luther King Jr. wasn’t killed, but did lie in a coma for over three decades. King comes out of the coma at the end of 2000, but is soon branded a traitor to the U.S. when he takes a pacifist’s stance to the current Iraqi War. King becomes a pariah in his own country. Everyone, both white and black dumps him on. Finally, after one tremendous speech, King bolts for Canada, never to return.

...“Keep in mind, there is nothing that I’ve ever put out that there isn’t some white corporation hasn’t permitted you to see. This whole idea that I’m some crazy, fearless guy is not coming from me. It’s coming from everyone else. There’s no validity to it. If I did something that was really that scary, I wouldn’t be allowed to do it. Just realize that somewhere there’s somebody, probably white, who probably works for a major corporation and is making money off of what I do. That’s the truth.

“I don’t want anyone to think that I’m some sort of political leader and my show is the start of some political movement,” Magruder continued. “It’s not. It’s jokes, comedy and satire. Yes, it’s commentary and political satire, but it’s still jokes. I shun the idea that I have some kind of leadership role to play.

“What I’m really trying to say is we should have politicized entertainers and political leaders. Both. I mean just because James Brown wrote some political songs, that doesn’t make him a political leader and we shouldn’t mistake him as such. What we have is a void in black political leadership and we are turning to quickly to black entertainers to fill it. That’s not necessarily the best move to make.”"

A couple good guidelines...

How to Do What You Love:

"It might be a good rule simply to avoid any prestigious task. If it didn't suck, they wouldn't have had to make it prestigious.

...The other big force leading people astray is money. Money by itself is not that dangerous. When something pays well but is regarded with contempt, like telemarketing, or prostitution, or personal injury litigation, ambitious people aren't tempted by it. That kind of work ends up being done by people who are "just trying to make a living." (Tip: avoid any field whose practitioners say this.) The danger is when money is combined with prestige, as in, say, corporate law, or medicine. A comparatively safe and prosperous career with some automatic baseline prestige is dangerously tempting to someone young, who hasn't thought much about what they really like."

"...it’s very possible that ultimate truths simply can’t be expressed"

Ten Things I Hate About the Occult - Pop Occulture:

"Criticism from the “normals” - if you get interested in the occult, chances are your normal friends and Christian family are going to think it’s silly at best, or crazy and dangerous at worst. The thing about this that gets me the most is that these people (especially Christians) are essentially telling you that your need for exploration, questioning and personal experience are bad and wrong - simply because that’s not where they themselves are at. They typically tell you to stop, and “accept Jesus” without answering the needs of those people who desire a more thorough exploration of these subjects.

...The Real/Fake Debate - Is magic real? Do ghosts, aliens, conspiracies and god really exist or are they projections of our own internal processes? These sorts of existential occult questions used to keep me up at night (and sometimes still do), but there comes a point when you have to move past it all, and start looking at the effects of belief. What changes in your life if you accept God as real? What about if you start practicing spells? How does that change your attitude and approach to the world? The other questions of existence become a moot point after a certain point also when you realize that it’s very possible that ultimate truths simply can’t be expressed (see above).

My Life - Lastly, what the hell does all this occult stuff have to do with my or your “real” lives? We go to the office, or wherever, spend time with family, friends and loved ones, and how can we reconcile all the weird research and mental questioning to the simple joys and challenges of every-day life? None of the occult books seem to address any of that, any of these basic questions about what’s life for, and how do we live it to it’s fullest?"

Don't reduce the world to false dualisms. That's what I say.

Overheard in the Office: The Voice of the Cubicle - 5PM Happy Hour:

"5PM Happy Hour

Attorney: We're smarter for making the correct decision to the everyday question: drink or work? Correct answer: drink and work."

Dominicans

Overheard in the Office: The Voice of the Cubicle - 1PM Lunch:

"1PM Lunch

Co-worker: I don't really pay that much attention to politics. I mean, I don't even know the difference between a Republican and a Dominican."

"I'm shocked, shocked to find that gambling is going on in here!" - Captain Renault

Rigorous Intuition: Sex, Drugs and Three-Card Monte:

"Former DEA special agent Michael Levine likens the 'War on Drugs' to the con game three-card monte: the grifter lays down three cards on a table, shows you that one is the Queen of Spades, then turns them over and quickly shuffles. He asks if you can pick the Queen, and you saw some guy before you win easily, so you reach for your wallet. Guess what? You lose. And you know that guy who won? He's part of the scam.

In the early seventies Levine was assigned to the Hard Narcotics Smuggling Squad, which investigated all heroin and cocaine smuggling through the port of New York City. In Kristina Borjesson's Into the Buzzsaw he writes that 'we could not avoid witnessing the CIA protecting major drug dealers'"

Beautiful writing...

Soko ga Shiritai!: Rhythm of the Ocean:

"When you pare to simplicity, you also approach elegance and purity."

What opposition party?

Rove's Early Warning:

"What Democrats should have learned is that they cannot evade the security debate. They must challenge the terms under which Rove and Bush would conduct it. Imagine, for example, directly taking on that line about Sept. 11. Does having a 'post-9/11 worldview' mean allowing Bush to do absolutely anything he wants, any time he wants, without having to answer to the courts, Congress or the public? Most Americans -- including a lot of libertarian-leaning Republicans -- reject such an anti-constitutional view of presidential power. If Democrats aren't willing to take on this issue, what's the point of being an opposition party?"

They have to do that or people might have healthy attitudes about sex and children...

...but we can't do that.

This is America dammit!

Soko ga Shiritai!: Empathy, anyone?:

"Are teenagers really so stupid that the only way to moderate them is through some angle of scare tactic? And isn't cultivating the attitude that pregnancy is an undesirable burden instead of a momentous responsibility bankrupt, detrimental to women, and well, asinine?"

Brilliant

Treehugger: Sweden Raises The Renewable Energy Bar:

"'Sweden Plans on Being the First Country in the World to Be Free From Oil in 2020'"

You want to be optimistic...

Seattle Miracle Spring Water - Pop Occulture:

"I like to give people the benefit of the doubt and believe that there is a basic level of intelligence out there. But it seems from my interactions with these people that there are a boat-load of people out there who are just begging to be taken advantage of when it comes to religion and “magic.”"

Sweet, sweet libation...

Overheard in the Office: The Voice of the Cubicle - 9AM Back to Work:

"9AM Back to Work

Analyst #1: We need something to make this tea better.
Analyst #2: Have you tried rum?

10 minutes later.

Analyst #1: Do you have any more rum?
Analyst #3: It's ten in the morning."

Chocolate Caffeine Bomb

I really have got to try this.

DillDoe: Chocolate Jolt!:

"Here are the stuff you need:

* Semi-Sweet Chocolate chips (or block)
* Coffee beans (maybe canned)
* wax paper
* butter knife (or sm. offset spatula)

First, ground up your coffee bean. Should be a coarse ground and not too fine.

Next, melt your chocolate (follow direction on back of package) You can use a double boiler, heat pad, etc.. Easiest way is to put it on your wax paper and melt it in your microwave. Save on wash up and no burnt chocolate (unless you microwave it too long)

...Take your chocolate and stir it with your butterknife or spatula till all the chips are melted. Then sprinkle your coffee grounds into the chocolate and mix. Add as much as you want, good ratio is 2 parts chocolate to 1 part coffee (or 3-2 for more coffee). Mix it well and spread it out on the wax paper to about 1/8" thickness.

Toss in fridge/freezer till the chocolate sets (or just leave it out if the temp is cool enough)
Cut into 2x2 pieces and enjoy your caffeine boost. \"

How Ethical Is The Work Ethic?

How Ethical Is The Work Ethic?:

"...have they ever been honest with you about their jobs? Do they enjoy them? Is their work the most fulfilling thing they could be doing, are they able to achieve every goal they always wanted to? Do they feel heroic or proud every day as they return home—or are they exhausted? Do they turn that wide screen television on as soon as they come in the door? Do they have the energy to do anything else?

Did you ever wonder if there might be a better way for them, for you?"

"They say the grass is always greener…"

Getting To Done: Enjoy your own grass - Lifehacker:

"You know the saying right? When you’re so tied up with your own trials and tribulations it’s really easy to look around and think people have it so much easier than you do. In some cases this could be true, but you’ll never really know.

Not that it matters much anyway. Here are two things that may help you feel better about your own situation:

1. Almost everyone feels the same way at times.
2. You can only do something about your own situation."

The Press

So very wrong it hurts.

But hey, don't worry. Guys like this are protectin' your freedoms! It's Amurica!

*sigh*

Daily Kos: General Hayden: Probable Wha...?:

"QUESTION: Jonathan Landay with Knight Ridder. I'd like to stay on the same issue, and that had to do with the standard by which you use to target your wiretaps. I'm no lawyer, but my understanding is that the Fourth Amendment of the Constitution specifies that you must have probable cause to be able to do a search that does not violate an American's right against unlawful searches and seizures. Do you use --

GEN. HAYDEN: No, actually -- the Fourth Amendment actually protects all of us against unreasonable search and seizure. That's what it says.

QUESTION: But the measure is probable cause, I believe.

GEN. HAYDEN: The amendment says unreasonable search and seizure.

QUESTION: But does it not say probable --

GEN. HAYDEN: No. The amendment says unreasonable search and seizure.. . ."

The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.

Shiny

Which sci-fi crew would you best fit in? v1.0
created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Serenity (from Firefly).

You like to live your own way and do not enjoy when anyone but a friend tries to tell you that you should do different. Now if only the Reavers would quit trying to skin you.

The scam of enlightenment

Hardcore Zen: WHAT IS ENLIGHTENMENT?:

"These days Enlightenment is one of the biggest scams going. Some guy says he's got Enlightenment. He has a story to back him up about how wonderful the day was when he finally understood everything about everything. He has a guy who has certified him as a member of the Enlightened Beings club. And now he's ready to help you learn to be just like him. You go to the guy. He trains you to imitate the things he says on cue, or if he's real clever he teaches you how to rephrase his pet phrases in your own words. If your imitation meets his criteria he gives you his seal of approval and off you go. The industry is self-perpetuating. It's in your teacher's best interests to continue to support your claims of Enlightenment since you, in turn, are expected to support his. Without such support, the whole thing falls to pieces.

If someone comes along and says, 'ain't no such thang' it threatens the whole system since it is built upon extremely shaky ground. Unless people believe in Enlightenment, Enlightenment cannot exist. The Enlightenment they sell is nothing more than the belief in Enlightenment. This is the same deal with religions. That's why it's still punishable by death in some places to question the Word of God. It's not like believing in the existence of Mount St. Helen or something tangible like that. Once someone questions the existence of God, the very existence of God itself is threatened, because that sort of God is nothing more than the belief in God."

Joe Rogan is obviously my new philosopher king.

Welcome to JoeRogan.net!:

"What do you get when you cross 100 hot freaks auditioning to be a “Juggie” with Doug Stanhope, Joey Diaz, and me?
I think you can do the math on that one all on your own.

For 8 hours, Doug and I interviewed some of the hottest little attention whores this side of Rocky Mountains, and I gotta tell ya, it’s a hell of a nice way to spend an afternoon.
I mean, where else can you tell a chick that would most likely never have sex with you except for money, to take off her dress, turn around and show you her ass?

And here’s the kicker; it’s not like you’re being a dick, that’s actually what they came to do! They’re here, because they are professional hot chicks. That’s how they pay the bills, and they are fully aware of how magnificent and wonderful that rump is, and they just can’t wait to get that object of wonder and desire out of their pants, and bend over and stick it right in your face.

God bless America.

Of course we have to get to know the girl behind the ass, so we had to ask them all sorts of probing questions about their aspirations, hopes and desires, and I gotta tell you that I was pleasantly surprised. They all understood English, and most of them answered when you talked to them!
It sure wasn’t like how it is at the skybar.

Some of them even had hidden talents that they wanted to share!

“What kind of music do you like?”

“Country”

“How sad.”

“It’s not sad! I love country music! I’m actually a country singer!”

“Will you sing for us?”

“Sure!”

Country cutie pie then broke out with a song that consisted of a painful series of cliché sentiments detailing love at first site, and some shit about how she knew when we first met that we would have a family together and live in the woods, or something to that effect.
It was fucking unbelievably uncomfortable to watch, and even harder not to laugh at, especially since she was staring right into my eyes the entire time she was singing.
But she showed big brass balls busting out the song in front of a couple douche bags like Doug and I, so of course we clapped.

Plus it didn’t hurt that she was hot as fuck.

It’s no secret that really hot chicks aren’t held up to the same standards of communication that the rest of the humans are, but it’s really kind of shocking when you witness just how little some of them have in the tank. They just realized really early in life, that they’re sexually attractive, and that people are going to be nice to them no matter what, and that if they’re around men, they’ll always be the center of attention, now matter how little they have to say. They just figured, fuck it… I’ll just bank on this.
They can just look hot, and talk about how they went shopping for shoes, and the men will drool and listen intently.
What a horrible painful transition it must be when a chick like that gets old and no one wants to fuck them anymore.

Of course it’s not all hot chicks that fall into this trap, and I have to say it really makes you appreciate the hot ones that are actually smart and interesting… I mean I’m assuming it does if and when you actually get to meet one of those rare animals.
One of the benefits of having a big audition that included a lot of girls was that we got to talk to so many women that we actually did meet some really cool chicks, and we hired 4 of them. But that’s not before we had to interview at least 20 of them that were just super spooky scary dumb. We didn’t have a whole lot of time to get to know each candidate, so we came up with a series of fucked up questions to see how they would react, and what kind of a sense of humor the gals had.

“If your body was the viper room, which door has the velvet rope and the bouncer, and which door does the band have free access too?”

“Isn’t that where River Phoenix died?”

“Hmmm… next question.”

“If you had to suck dick for drug money, what drug would it be?”

“I don’t do drugs, I just drink.”

“Do you know alcohol is a drug?”

“I don’t consider it a drug.”

“Why is that?”

“Because it’s legal.”

“Well, it’s tough to fuck with that logic.”

“The man show has two hosts, you have three holes, which hole stays empty?”

“My belly button.”

“Umm, that’s not really a hole. It’s sewed up.”

“Ok, then the hole where my tongue piercing is.”

“I give up. Will you dance for us?”

“Sure!”

This was my favorite part of the day, I like to call it “Faking Enthusiasm,” and some of them do it so well it’s fucking scary.
I think what happens is when one of these gals takes the path of the professional hot chick
Whatever part of their brain that wasn’t developed once they realized that they were given a genetic trump card, they put all that unused energy into other areas, specifically pretending that they’re attracted to you.

Sort of like how rain man couldn’t talk to people, but he was a motherfucker at counting.

I guess nature has a way of balancing it all out in the long run.
They realize early on that being a professional hot chick doesn’t just mean that they look hot and everything falls into place, they also have to find away to make being sexually attractive translate into nice clothes, cars and jewelry, and the most effective way to do that in the hot chick market is to pretend that they would be interested in having sex with you.

The music begins, and she starts to move her fantastic frame to the beat, stepping with long smooth legs propped up on giant stripper heels, gyrating her curvy body as the bass thumps. She stares at Doug and I, and we both get nervous.

Its no why wonder so many smart rich dudes get roped into marrying hot dumb dumbs.

Once these lovely creatures started dancing, you really wanted to believe they were into you. You really want to believe that she’s different.

Maybe she just comes off as dumb... Maybe she’s actually smart and cool and she just gets nervous at auditions...

Maybe she’s just allergic to her hairspray and it’s making her temporarily retarded...

Maybe it’s more important that she’s hot than if she’s smart.

I believe George Harrison once said “All I need from a woman is that she be attractive, everything else I can get from a man.”
You really start to reconsider your values when presented with a hot chick with a rocking ass, dancing in front of you in a bikini, looking you right in the eyes and sucking on the tips of her fingers.

You know what really surprised me more than anything was the way other women reacted to the juggies.

Of course it’s common knowledge that some women can get jealous, but it’s a little weird when you see how raw and uncomfortable they can get when they’re in the presence of other women that you would want to fuck more than them.
It’s really that simple.
I would watch them whisper to each other and glare at the girls. They would look franticly for flaws. Simple monkey instincts in action.
My favorite hater was a friend of mine who came backstage in between skits and commented on the juggies, saying how she “couldn’t believe those girls.” I said what do you mean, and she just rolled her eyes and said “I just could never be friends with a girl like that.” Now here’s the kicker... she’s a fucking professional model!! She actually even models bikinis!!

I guess it’s ok to work in a bikini, as long as you don’t dance or move around.

But I’m sure if someone offered her a part in the next Vin Diesel movie where she had to dance around in a bikini, should would take it in a heart beat.
Why... that would be a career move.

Maybe if she was lucky, and she was well received it could possibly lead to a spread in maxim where she could show off her goods... in a bikini.

That would be great.

Really what her problem was that the girls were too enthusiastic about the attention that they were receiving from the men. They were committing an unwritten violation of the unspoken agreement that chicks have where you if you're hot, but you better not be hot in front of a group of men and actually enjoy the fact that they think you’re hot.

If you do, then you’re like a big slut or something."

"Suck the gay alien dick and save the world."

Welcome to JoeRogan.net!:

"...Now, I read an article in Esquire once about a dude that claimed he was straight, but was a gay porn star. He said he was doing it because there’s a lot of money in it, which is a little shaky.
I mean... how much money are we talking about?
This guy had done dozens of films.
How much money is a lot of money for gay sex if you’re not gay?
I don’t know about you, but I would have to get so much fucking money that I didn’t ever have to do a second film.

...They say that everyone has their price, but there are some people that claim there’s not enough money in the world to get them to do certain things, like gay sex.
For the most part I think they say that because no one is really offering them a ton of money for gay sex. It’s not really going to happen, so why think realistically about the proposition and risk ridicule?

But what if someone really was offering?
Now, if you’re straight, what if someone came around and offered a TON of money for one gay sexual experience.
I’m talking about a fucking TON of money.
Like 10 billion dollars.

Would you take it?

You would have to be a fucking idiot if you didn’t take it.
One hour of misery and you and all your friends could live like the Sultan of Brunei for the rest of your lives.
Shit, you could write a book about the experience and make another 10 million on top of that.

“I’ve got my price” would shoot to the top of the bestseller lists.
It would be the subject of debate for hundreds of talk shows across the country.
The people would be divided on the subject, but again I believe it’s all bullshit. If the offer were real, almost everyone would take it.
It wouldn’t mean you were gay. It would just mean that you let a gay guy fuck you.
Would you do it?

Just think of what you could do if you had Bill Gates type money. Are you fucking kidding me?
You wouldn’t suffer for an hour for that?

I sure as fuck would do it. Everyone has a price, and that’s mine.

For 10 Billions Dollars you can fuck my ass.

You can do whatever the fuck you want with me for one hour.
I have a high tolerance to pain, and my will is strong. I’ll get through it. I have vision, and that’s a ton of fucking money.

I mean think about it, how long is an hour?

It’s all relative, really.

...at the end of the hour... and you’re living like you’re in a Jay Z video for the rest of your life.
It’s not like it’s really going to hurt you. I mean fuck, there’s a ton of dudes doing it everyday and they’re fine. They actually like it.

I’m not saying you’ll come out of it completely unscathed. I’m sure there’s going to be some painful memories to deal with, But you know what? I’m guessing 10 billion dollars can smooth that over right quick.
It might even help your relationships because now you’ll have a better understanding of why your girlfriend complains when you want to fuck her in the ass.

Maybe you’re not a materialist.
Maybe money doesn’t motivate you, so how about if it was that you had to do it for a more altruistic reason, like to save the world or something?
Let’s say a big gay alien is going to kill all of the people on Earth unless you suck his dick.

Would you do it?

And before any of you say that this is a ridiculous scenario, I would submit to you that it’s probably MORE likely that a gay alien would come here from another planet and ask you to suck his dick than it is that a guy would willing to pay 10 billion to bone me.

Think about it.

There are 100,000,000,000 stars in this galaxy alone, but how many dudes are there on earth that have $10,000,000,000.00 to blow on a piece of ass?
And let’s be honest, any guy with 10 billion can do WAY better than me.
As long as Billy Zane is out there, I can safely say the offer is never going to reach my desk.
So if the offer were real, would you take it?

Suck the gay alien dick and save the world.

If you blow him, he’ll not only spare all the people a horrible death, but also offer them the keys to enlightenment and elevate the entire race.
Would you make the ultimate sacrifice and offer your mouth to save every man woman and child on the planet?
Or would you say “Fuck that shit, I ain’t no space homo!” and let everyone die for your vanity?
Is the feeling of shame too powerful for you?

For some people gay shame is just too much to deal with.
There was a story just a week or so ago where this marine that was on leave picked up a hooker, and then found out that he had been duped, and had actually been pleasured by a man in a dress. He freaked out, killed the he-she, and dumped the body on Melrose. The cops chase him, and he leads them in a high-speed pursuit that ends up in a shoot out where the cops had to kill him.

All because the guy couldn’t deal with the fact that a dude blew him. Now, if the guy just had a sense of humor he would have had a great fucking story that he could tell people for the rest of his life, but instead the he wound up dead.
All because he couldn’t deal with the shame.
That’s pretty silly if you ask me.
Getting blown by a guy in a dress doesn’t mean you’re gay, it just means you got tricked.
He tricked you, so you kill him?
That doesn’t seem fair.
And what kind of a way is that to treat a guy that just gave you a blowjob?
Talk about ungrateful."

American Gestapo. Lovely.

News From Underground: American Gestapo:

"What BushCo wants, according to the fine print (Sec. 605) of the new PATRIOT Act, is a permanent Praetorian Guard, or Cheka, or Gestapo. It's all too easy to come up with apt historical analogies--but not with any from this nation's history.

'A permanent police force, to be known as the 'United States Secret Service Uniformed Division,'' empowered to 'make arrests without warrant for any offense against the United States committed in their presence' (what is 'an offense against the United States?), 'or for any felony cognizable under the laws of the United States if they have reasonable grounds to believe that the person to be arrested has committed or is committing such felony'"

"You wouldn't last A DAY on the Creek."

Defamer At Sundance: Al Gore Summits At The EW Party - Defamer:

"...we saw Gore locked in conversation with Official Defamer Sundance Correspondent On The Public School System, James Van Der Beek. We were too far away to catch any of the exchange, but we imagine it went something like this:

JVDB: Mr. Gore, thrilled to meet you. I’m James Van Der Beek, former star of the long-running WB hit, Dawson’s Creek.

Gore: Don’t be crazy, Pacey, I know who you are.

JVDB: I wish you were president.

Gore: [conspiratorially] Shhh. I am president, Joey.

JVDB: Get out of here.

Gore: Don’t tell anyone. Anyway, I think we both know where this conversation is going.

JVDB: [crestfallen] Yeah…

Gore: So?

JVDB: I haven’t talked to Katie Holmes in months, and I have no idea whether or not she’s really in love with Tom Cruise or pregnant.

Gore: [pushing past him] Donny Masterman! I love you on The 70s Thing."

Denis Leary, while perhaps a fine and compassionate man, is also a joke stealing douche

Welcome to JoeRogan.net!:

"One of the real problems, is that very few comedians stand up for what's right. They might talk about it privately, but very few step up and take a stand. I have before, especially on the subject of Dennis Leary stealing from one of my favorite comedians, the late, great Bill Hicks.
It's commonly known amongst stand ups that Dennis stole a big chunk of Bills act, but amongst the general population it's actually a surprise to a lot of people.
Why? Pretty much because no one that anyone would listen to on the subject stood up and said something about it publicly.
No one defended the integrity of this great art form. They just let a pretender and a hack steal ideas from a great mind. He pretty much got away with it too. He went on to have success in films, and unfortunately, Bill Hicks died of cancer before most people knew who he was or what he had to say.
It really killed me, because I started out a Dennis Leary fan. I remember watching him in Boston, laughing hysterically at his act, thinking it was all his. I was really impressed. For a few months, he was actually my favorite comedian. His jokes on Jim Fix dying while jogging, and how ironic that was, and about how John Lennon was dead, but Barry Manilow continued to pump out albums made me howl.
Then, I saw Hicks, and I really got confused. He was doing the same material, almost word for word that Leary was doing.
I didn't get it. Something was wrong. I was only doing stand up for a few months at the time, so I asked some of the local pros, and they all had the same answer: 'Leary is a thief.'
I couldn't fucking believe it. How could this be? How could a guy stealing ideas be allowed to perform in these clubs?
The club owners just didn't seem to care. They turned a blind eye, and profited off their hired performer pilfering material from others."

There really are no words...

Welcome to JoeRogan.net!:

"Speaking of dudes fucking with animals, and something getting the attention it deserved after a death, did you hear about that bestiality ring up in Seattle that got busted when a guy got fucked to death by a horse?

I

Shit

You

Not.

You can read about it here.

The guy gets fucking skewered on this gigantic 3-foot long horse cock, and then bleeds to death before they can get him to the hospital. Well, I guess the police do some investigating, probably trying to figure out why there was fur and hay attached to all the blood on this dude’s ass, and they eventually trace everything back to this farm where they find hundreds of videos of guy’s getting fucked by horses, including the dead guy.
Apparently he had gotten fucked by horses many times and never had a problem. It was just this one last pushy horse that did him in. See, I guess the key to safely getting fucked in the ass by a horse, is that you can’t let the horse stick it all the way in."

Rumination

Welcome to JoeRogan.net!:

"See, that’s the thing about people, they always find someone to hang out with. We NEED it, or we go crazy. I mean, people need people so much, that one of the worst punishments that they can give you in prison, is to leave you alone in solitary confinement.
Can you imagine that? You’re trapped in a fucking cage with murderers and thieves, and the worst punishment they can give you, is to take you away from the murderers and thieves and leave you by yourself.
Think about that shit for a little bit."

"If only pot were legal, and the economy wasn’t so fucked up, it would be the most perfect place on the globe."

Welcome to JoeRogan.net!:

"I'm writing this from Sao Paulo, Brazil right now, and this place is one of the coolest fucking spots on the planet, by far.

The American dollar is stronger than that little Japanese kid in a hot dog eating contest, and every girl you see has been blessed with the big juicy ass gene, and spared the horrors of north American sexual shame.

To someone like me that struggles daily in a fit of confusion and anger with the unnatural behavior that is expected of the average American, this place is both proof and panacea.

Evidence that it's not so much the humans that are so fucked up, but rather it's the bizarre and artificial patterns or behavior our society forces on it's citizens that tear us apart from the inside, and leave so many depressed and empty.

Here in Brazil the human animal runs free.

Everyone is happy, and everyone is smiling.

There's no money to be made, so nobody focuses on it. There's a large catholic base here, but it appears that the entire population must have gotten together collectively and decided to make good use out of that whole 'confession' loop hole thing, because it's quite obvious that no one is letting a silly little thing like 'sin' or the threat of something as vague as 'hell' get in the way of a good time."

Praise Jeebus!

Welcome to JoeRogan.net!:

"Just look at the way things are heading… we never stop breeding no matter HOW bad the traffic gets. Isn’t it possible that there are too many fucking people? But you can’t say that, because babies are beautiful and the most loving creatures on god’s green earth.

I’m not saying babies aren’t cute, I just don’t think you should be allowed to have 16 of them. I read about a chick in Little Rock Arkansas recently that just gave birth to her 16th fucking kid. That has got to be one of the most insane things you could ever see in your life. Those kids must be like wild fucking animals.
I bet they don’t even know how to read. They’re probably just running around like crazed chimps, flinging shit at each other, destroying everything in sight, fucking each other, and killing and eating small animals, while their Zoloft popping, valium taking mother just stands there, white knuckle gripping the bible, doing the best that she can to keep her head from literally fucking exploding. "

"I'm tired of this back-slapping "Isn't humanity neat?" bullshit. We're a virus with shoes, okay? That's all we are." - Bill Hicks

Welcome to JoeRogan.net!:

"I want to help this process along.
Because I want to be a part of the avalanche that swallows up the human race.
I mean really, it’s inevitable.
It’s slipping away from us, people. It’s painfully obvious to see, but nobody wants to make the call, and if they do, no one listens. The wars continue, the environment decays, and the resources are running dry. We’re sucking this bitch dry like a species of microscopic little vampires attacking a living earth. I mean think about this war we’re in right now, we’re literally fighting over who gets to suck out of the main artery.
I’m not saying I’m innocent, I’m a part of it too, I’m just saying, isn’t it fucking crazy that we’re still living like this in 2006?
Because really, that’s what we’re doing. That’s what the whole human race is: a very complicated form of bacteria that is attacking the mother earth.
If you looked at the Earth as a living organism - and who’s to say it isn’t, because it’s a host for life, but how to we know that a planet isn’t actually some kind of super life that exists in some sort of autonomous continuum, fueled by it’s very matter?
I mean, people are alive, but really when you think about what we “are” we’re a host to a collection of different organisms. From microbes living under your fingernails, to the viral life living in your cells that gives you herpes, to the fact that there’s more e coli living in your gut right now than there have ever been people EVER.
So who is to say that the earth isn’t conscious just like us. Maybe it’s the highest form of life."

Denial is a powerful thing...

Welcome to JoeRogan.net!:

"Denial is a weird fucking thing. I had a stripper tell me once that she wasn’t a stripper. We were in a strip club, and she was standing right in front of me in her panties and garter belt with 9” heels on, telling me she’s not a stripper, and that she’s a “mortgage consultant.” She wasn’t saying that she wasn’t “just” a stripper, but that she’s not one at all.
Now, I’ve always enjoyed strip clubs. Not just because I’m a pervert, but because they’re such weird places to observe human nature.
Where else on the planet can you see people like that? Strip clubs are one of the rare locations in our society where you’re guaranteed to find crazy people there.
My friend Eddie worked in a strip club for 10 years as a DJ, and having met a good amount of people in the club he worked at, I would have to say at least 80% of the people working there were fucking crazy.

...I said, “How long have you been a stripper?”
“I’m not a stripper. I’m a mortgage consultant.”
*Pauses while my brain computes the data*
“Ummm… But you’re working right now, right? And we are in a strip club, and you are in your underwear, and you are about to go on stage and show some strange men your pussy so that they’ll give you money, right?” (The whole time I was saying this, she was gently shaking her head back and forth with eyebrows raised in the “you just don’t get it” gesture.)

“I just do this on the weekends for extra money to invest in my real estate ventures.”

“Today is Thursday.”

“I count Thursday as the weekend because I never work on Sundays.”

“Oh… OK.”

“Would you like a dance?”

“Wow.”

That’s EXACTLY how it went down. No embellishment. "

A myspace observation

Welcome to JoeRogan.net!:

"My favorite pictures though, are the hot chicks seductively pulling their panties down in their profile pics, but then loudly proclaiming in their “about me” section that they’re “not interested in meeting perverts.” That’s the way I would handle it too if I was a hot chick that wasn’t interested in meeting perverts.
Just stick it out there right in their fucking face, and then tell ‘em you’re above it all.
Two fingers shoved deep in your pussy lips and a screen quote that says, “What the fuck are you looking at!!??” "

Please be polite.

Welcome to JoeRogan.net!:

"I’ve also found 7 different pages with the screen name “FUCK MY ASS.”
I guess that’s a real popular request in cyberspace. It does seem a little bossy, though.
Perhaps “Please fuck my ass” would be a little easier on the senses. "

Eh, why not?

Take the quiz:
What type of kisser are you?

Playfull kisser
you and your girl/boy friend will have a very fun relationship

Quizzes by myYearbook.com -- the World's Biggest Yearbook!

Gentrification

Rowhouse 'Hood You scored 20 out of 40 on urban-rural and 22 out of 40 land intensity.

People know you as: The Bohemian Gentrifier Quote: "That crack house just needed a little paint." Your score indicates that you are a city-dweller of the old-school. You like a dense, finely grained neighborhood with restaurants, churches and brothels all on the same block. Although you've never spoken to him personally, you know that guy Eddie down the street is a pimp and you're sure to tell your lame suburban friends about him at every opportunity, just to freak them out. The bad news is that as more and more people like you move into your neighborhood it gradually becomes less cool and more expensive. Enjoy things while you can, because in 5 years you're going to have to move to the next 'hood uptown. Examples of places you should live: Baltimore, Philadelphia All Categories Secluded Hideaway / Farm or Ranch / Small Town / Little City / Suburb / Streetcar Suburb / Rowhouse 'Hood / Downtown Loft

My test tracked 2 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 31% on urban-rural You scored higher than 41% on land intensity

Link: The Where Should You Live Test written by TwelveFloorsUp on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

The Obvious [that, say, about half of America seems oblivious to...]

Daily Kos: So You Want to Play Hardball Eh?:

"They are vehemently against abortion, they resist progressive woman's rights. They view homosexuality as a crime against nature and God, some advocate the death penalty as an option for it. Separation of Church and State is despised by these folks; they insist the nation is founded on the principles of their religion, and they work hard to bring that de facto theocracy about. They deplore strong language, gay characters, and sexual content on TV and in the media. And they ignore the Geneva Convention when it suits their ideological purposes, including provisions against torture or due process. They're anti-stem cell research, pro-creationism, and generally distrustful of science. These folks are easily whipped into a state of frenzy with ideological manipulation to the point where they will commit violence, or at least tacitly endorse that violence is acceptable, if it advances their Divine agenda. They then take great pains to justify that violence, including unprovoked attack of civilian areas, under certain conditions, with convoluted theological gymnastics. They are almost to the man pro-death penalty ... Am I railing against the religious right again?

Could be, but my target here is actually Al Qaeda and related fundamentalist Wahhabism; the source of terrorism, the scourge of our planet, the Axis of Evil.

Strangely, when I visited a blog frequented by GOP apologists this evening, all merrily playing the 'Democrats are like bin Laden' sweepstakes, they were shocked, shocked I tell you, when the tables were so easily turned on them. They were outraged :::Gasp:: can you imagine? They were almost speechless when I pointed out the eerie parallels between Osama bin Laden and fundamentalist Islam, and the stated social policy goals of the extremist religious right currently running the so called Republican Party. Nope, they didn't like it one bit.

When the neocons say that Liberals or moderate Republicans are against America and for the terrorists, they could not have it more backwards. The extreme religious rightwing of the GOP is the closest thing to Islamo-fascism we have in our country, and no one is worried that Al Qaeda will be storming ashore on our beaches en masse, invasion style, anytime soon."