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Monday, April 02, 2007

Couple a clever April Fool's articles.

Well, clever if you watch some of the same TV shows I do [Angel and Friday Night Lights], that is.

The Television City Chronicle - Cheney to Join Wolfram & Hart:
"In a surprise announcement, international law firm Wolfram & Hart confirmed today that Vice President Dick Cheney would become CEO of its Los Angeles branch following his departure from the White House in 2009.


“I’m proud of the record I’ve amassed during my years of public service,” the Vice President said in a statement released by his office yesterday, “and I’m looking forward to many more years of furthering those pursuits in the private sector. Wolfram & Hart and I share a common vision for the future of this planet, and I believe that together, nothing can stop us from achieving our mutual goals.”

...Wolfram & Hart’s L.A. branch has been one of the firm’s most trouble-plagued divisions. A gas leak in 2003 resulted in the deaths of most of the firm’s staff, while a new management team brought in the following year exited mere months later under controversial and still-mysterious circumstances, leaving considerable structural damage to the building in their wake.

Despite the upheaval, previous employees speak highly of the firm. “It was, like, a totally great place to work,” former executive assistant Harmony Kendall said of her years at Wolfram & Hart. “I mean, sure, they get stereotyped as a bunch of bloodsuckers, but that’s completely bogus. I totally dare you to name anyone living who’d call that place Hell on Earth. Omigod, do you think this means they’ll be hiring again?”

“We’ve enjoyed an outstanding relationship with Mr. Cheney over the years,” said Wolfram & Hart spokeswoman Lilah Morgan. “He’s been a longtime client of ours, but in their dealings with him, our Senior Partners have come away deeply impressed with his personal qualities and his sense of priorities. We’ve been at this business a long time, but our upper management feels they still have a lot to learn from Mr. Cheney.”

Morgan dismissed concerns regarding the precarious state of Cheney’s health. “Given our standard contract,” she said, “that shouldn’t really be an issue.”"

The Television City Chronicle - For One Texas School, An Endless Football Season:
"DILLON, Texas, March 31 — The state of Texas does love her football, but fans and players alike are decrying this region’s experiment with a year-round football season.

Up until this season, Dillon’s beloved football team, the Panthers, played the same football schedule known throughout the United States — from the brutal heat of August practice through the fall regular season and a December playoff run. But this year, the Panthers and the teams that play them have instead had to play through a long and drawn-out season that will likely not end until mid-May.

...“I was expecting to play basketball this spring,” said junior Tim Riggins, a star offensive player for the Panthers. “But here it is, spring, and we’re still playing football. When’s basketball season, summer?”

Although members of a Texas school athletics board, the Northern Border Council, voted to conduct the experiment as a pilot project last spring, it is Panthers Coach Eric Taylor who has to bear the brunt of a crushing schedule that leaves him only a brief summer break between seasons.

“It’s hard enough being the coach of a small town Texas football team without coaching these young men for seven straight months,” Mr. Taylor said, citing a large number of dramatic events that had occurred during this extended season, including the traumatic injury to the team’s starting quarterback, a rumored steroid scandal, and a pair of racially-tinged incidents involving coaches and students.

“It’s like a damned TV show around here,” Mr. Taylor said.

The big question now is, will the exhaustion continue for a second football season, or will the Northern Border Council opt for another year of extended, drawn-out football dramatics?

A spokesperson for N.B.C. president Kevin Reilly had no comment."

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