America's much needed withdrawal plan - "OK, on the plane. Now."

Curmudgeonly common-sense with a dash of brilliance. So, of course, will never happen.

Fred On Everything:

"...My first step will be to discard strategic imbecility as national policy, thus unemploying a great many strategic imbeciles. Henceforth the armed forces will concern themselves with defending the United States—not Korea, Japan, Afghanist-freaking-stan for god’s sake, nor Europe nor the back side of the moon nor the nether reaches of the Crab Nebula. Just America. You know, that place between Canada and Mexico.

Now, how much military to we need to defend America, as distinct from remote galaxies and places no one in his right mind can spell? Very little...

Afghanistan: I would apply the exit strategy enunciated by the great James P. Coyne, who taught Clausewitz everything the old Kraut knew. The strategy is, “OK, on the plane. Now.” The simplicity is breathtaking, its effectiveness certain. We’ve got no business being there, we’re killing people who don’t need killing, and nothing good can come of it.

Iraq: See above. Further, I will withdraw from South Korea, Japan, and NATO, on the grounds that they either have no enemies or can defend themselves perfectly well. NATO in particular only involves us in disaster, or we involve it in disaster, and I see no point in continuing to breast feed it.

Next, I will give the Navy three months to get anything it profoundly values out of Guantanamo, where we have no business being, and then lift the embargo, which is an expression of adolescent temper. I will then treat Cuba as what it is, an island of people no worse than any other, who do not need stupid mistreatment by a large bratty neighbor. This would improve relations with Latin America, a good idea since we are decreasingly able to behave with normal meddlesomeness.

Next, I will essay the unthinkable for American diplomacy, if it be such, namely cultivating some slight understanding of how others see things instead of always sending the Marines. I know, I know: I risk being called a commie homo prevert, and accused of hating America, and not being brainlessly truculent in the name of endocrine patriotism. But I will make this sacrifice for my country.

For example, Iran, which mysteriously seems not to like us. Why might Iranians not appreciate our enthusiasms for democracy and human rights? In 1953 the wretched CIA, always making trouble for us, overthrew the elected ruler and installed the Shah, a brutal bastard. What did we care? We were surfing at Malibu. Then we supported our good ally Saddam Hussein against Iran in a bloody war started for us by Saddam, and now we freeze Iran’s assets and threaten to bomb it, and we wreck its perfectly legal atomic program with funny viruses. How could that upset them? Baffling...

Latin America: Here I will adopt another revolutionary principle, namely Don’t get in their faces if you don’t have to. More bluntly, under my rule we will keep our long intrusive noses out of other people’s shorts. Stop telling Bolivians they can’t chew coca leaves, which they have done forever, since it’s none of our damn business what Bolivians chew. Rocks, grass, hog entrails, it’s their call.

...I shall take my rightful power soon. As soon as I finish this bottle of Padre Kino."