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Wednesday, July 02, 2008

I'm unique just like everyone else.

Everybody deals with the same stuff. But it's still trippy when you hear your thoughts coming out of other people's mouths. Or keyboards. Whatever.

What Dads Think About Honest Communication | Discovering Dad:
"Here’s what the Dads think about honest communication, talking or inner dialogue:

Jim from BusyDadJim from The Busy Dad Blog.

...Men are often given a bad rap because we “don’t like to talk.” But eavesdrop on a group of guys downing pitchers at Hooters and tell me that. We talk. So much so that it looks like we’re trying to out-talk one another. Because we are. But we welcome that. It keeps our minds sharp; it keeps us logical. Each fact we throw out there, each point we make, each go-Google-it-then’s sole purpose is to get the other person to see point A, so we can move on to point B.

Did you just roll your eyes? Fine, I’m going to shut down now.

See how that works? Communication between a man and a woman can be a major stressor. Of course I am generalizing, but I’m going to say that most males enter discussions with a concrete objective... while women generally communicate to find common ground and understanding. Those two modes of communication often clash...

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Ed from Zoe\'s DadEd from Zoe’s Dad.

I’m not a talker - never have been. For some reason, my inner self stays just that - inner. I never considered this a big deal until I got married. Damn, girls like to talk. A LOT!! My wife is a great communicator, wonderful command of language, very well educated and quick thinking. Me? Not so much. I tend to absorb words and phrases in a conversation formulating answers. It’s a lengthy process, all internal, and by the time I have prepared a response, it’s too late. By then, the topic has changed at least three times, or my wife is so frustrated with my silence that she starts to respond for me.

...It starts a vicious cycle wherein I become frustrated and start to clam up and tune out. Before long, her words become background noise and I am deaf to them. It has been the cause of many, many a heated (on her part) arguments...

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Chuck D is for DadChuck from D is for Dad.

...The thing about talking with guys is that we really just need you to get to the point. If the drama or family history you are going to unleash has little to do with a question, then you can feel free to leave it out. The truth of the matter is I have the attention span of a very small child, so asking the questions that need answered sooner rather than later is always best.

If there has to be some long (more than five minutes) explanation leading up to the question, then tell me that up front. Something like, “Honey we need to talk about this party next weekend, and I want to make sure you remember what happened last time.” If I were to hear that it would tell me I need to pay attention for the duration, rather than checking out after the first question crosses your lips. I know it’s like preaching to the choir, but the kid reference is pretty spot on, at least where I am concerned.

...The only other thing that I know can make a guy shut down and stop listening, aside from his own idiocy, are exaggeration’s and generalizations. Don’t carry on about how “we talk about this all the time!” when, in reality, we’ve talked about it twice. That isn’t all the time, or “you never support me!” because you know that just isn’t true. Maybe you feel like you’re not being supported this time but NEVER, come on.

I think at the end of the day we are here to honestly discuss what needs discussing. It’s just important to remember that it is very likely we’d rather be doing something else...

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Jeremy from Discovering DadJeremy from Discovering Dad.

...She also seems to ask me a lot of rhetorical questions…you know…the trick questions; the stream of consciousness questions; the giving-direction-in-the-form-of-a-query questions; the validation questions; basically, questions that do not have a black or white answer, only shades of gray. It’s hard for me to know how to answer these types of questions in a positive way. Why? Because I’m not a process guy - I don’t enjoy all of the back stories and details needed to get to the answer; I like getting to the results, solutions or happy ending.

...One of the things I feel is important to keep in mind when communicating within a marriage (or committed relationship) is tone and courtesy. I am a very courteous person, always have been. I struggle with my tone though. I can have an air of superiority at times, moreso with people that I love than people I hate (which doesn’t make any sense when I really think about it). I’m working on it though..."

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