TESTOSTERONE NATION
...I don't know if I'm angrier with him or the world in general.
This is a 74-year-old man who's successful and respected, but all of that is apparently so fragile that it can be brought down by merely walking into a strip club. As if acting on the perfectly natural desire to see a beautiful naked female body would somehow diminish his accomplishments!
Seventy-four and he still can't do what he wants to do.
Seventy-four and he still has to worry about what people will think.
...do you dare to disturb the universe? Do you dare to eat a peach? I guess the answer to those questions is a resounding no!
Frank's worked hard to make something of his life, but in the process he's also built himself a sturdy cage, one built of gold. He's labored at it mightily, constructing it bar by bar.
...Maybe it's a question of a false perception of strip clubs. Most tight-asses probably think they're like naked versions of Animal House with Otter and Bluto getting their knobs polished by some D-cupped blonde while being hooted on by cousins of NBC's Earl.
The truth is the vast majority of strip clubs are far more subdued than the crowd at an average baseball game, a boring baseball game. For the most part, men sit around quietly while enjoying one of the most beautiful sights in nature: a naked woman moving gracefully to music. Never mind that her legs are occasionally spread open wider than a toll gate bridge and that she's dancing to a song by Rammstein, it's art in my book, okay?
Regardless, I hardly think going to a strip club is deviant.
Neither do I think consorting with strippers or getting lap dances is deviant, but I don't think the NFL, the Hennepin County Sheriff's Office, or a whole bunch of Testosterone-deprived tight asses across the country agree with me.
...Mothers of River City, heed that warning before it's too late! Watch for the telltale signs of corruption! The minute your son leaves the house, does he rebuckle his knickerbockers below the knee? Is there a nicotine stain on his index finger? A dime-novel hidden in the corncrib? Is he starting to memorize jokes from Captain Billy's Whiz-Bang? Are certain words creeping into his conversation? Words like "swell" and "so's your old man"? If so my friends, ya got trouble!
That's right, trouble right here in River City! Pretty soon there'll be gambling, and...and strippers!
...What many of us consider deviant is largely cultural. Things that are frowned on here might not be frowned on elsewhere. When French President Francois Mitterrand died a few years ago, it was only natural that his wife attended the funeral. Standing nearby, though, was his long-time mistress and his illegitimate daughter. Can you imagine the hubbub if that happened in America? But in France they merely shrugged their shoulders and winked.
I'm not promoting adultery or promiscuity. Hardly. But when people are so tight assed that an old man can't fulfill a silly dream without nullifying every good thing he ever accomplished, it's time for this teetotaler country to saunter up to the Testosterone bar for a double.
First round's on me.
No comments:
Post a Comment