"Self talk can change brain blood flow."

Conquer Fear, Overcome Anxiety & Eat Bacon | Fat-Burning Man: "A lot of people say, “Hey, I’m not afraid of anything, I’m not afraid of success.” They want it all. But at the back of their brains are these questions, like: “Does this mean I’m going to have to work more? Will people want more from me? I might have to fail, people will make fun of me when I do.” These are unconscious questions that affect your fear and anxiety. And it also affects the info that’s going to your brain’s GPS. To get to your goal, it’s a bit like driving, and it uses the GPS that’s in the part of the brain called the posterior parietal cortex. (By the way, I should mention that a lot of what I’m saying is a bit oversimplified, but it’s true and born out by the research.) The brain collects information—like “success is possible.” Or “It doesn’t matter if I have the fear, I’m going to do it anyway.” Or “I don’t mind if people see me fail, I mind more if I don’t reach for my goals.” When you say this, the GPS collects information and starts working on a plan to get you to your goal consciously or unconsciously...

There are different ways to interact with your brain’s anxiety center to calm it down. You can reframe goals, for example. Extensive studies show that if you provide the proper reframe, your brain’s anxiety center can actually turn down. So rather than saying, “People are going to laugh at me.” You say, “Winners fail more than losers and I want to be a winner, so I expect to fail.” Immediately, that’s a different reframe for your brain. Your amygdala doesn’t freak out! Do we actually have scientific data to show that how you talk to yourself matters? Yes. Self talk can change brain blood flow. It can take successive brain blood flow in the anxiety center and send it back to the thinking-brain. Studies now look at self-talk in things like, sports players saying “I’m gonna crush it.” Data now shows it’s more effective if you speak to yourself in second person out loud (“You’re going to crush it!”), you’re much more likely to destress and boost your confidence...

So here’s the simplified version: Take a deep look at your identity. Take small steps. Get the help of someone you trust who understands what you’re saying. It’s not going to change if you don’t change anything. For a long time I said, “I’m not going to change anything. I’m just going to workout and do more cardio.” And I’m killing myself and it’s not doing anything. Because my diet was exactly the same. You have to change something. Choose the things that are easiest to change first, and then gradually you’ll realize there are things you did not want to change at first that you are willing to change. It’s a deep engagement with the real issue of why you want to lose weight, and how you’re going to do it on your own terms with the revisor that something’s got to change. You just have to figure out what’s the best change for you...

Self-sabotage is a real issue. First of all, the way you phrase your goals matter. If you tell yourself not to do something, under situations of stress your brain will do the opposite. For example, when I was with my trainer I tried to write down everything I wasn’t going to eat for the week. It was the worst diet week ever. I ate everything I wasn’t supposed to. If you’re framing things in the negative, your brain will rebound and you will do the opposite of what you want when under stress. Instead of saying, “I will not eat potatoes,” say, “I will have a second helping of meat, for example.”

...As adults we fall into that same pattern because the human brain is wired by default to gain mastery over disappointment rather than to seek fulfillment. So, a lot of times we want to be really good at the fact that life sucks. Life sucks and I want to be like the best survivor in the world… rather than someone who thrives! You have to shift your brain’s flashlight to thrive rather than survive. You can get addicted to dealing with difficulties. You can become really good at it. You see a lot of people who are resilient, but they don’t go anywhere in their lives because they’re not setting goals to thrive."