Oh, insomnia, I fucking hate you.

The more I read of religion, the more I wonder, how do you not know THEY. ARE. JUST. MAKING. THIS. SHIT. UP.

Today's observations brought to you via the works of Alcoholics Anonymous and the Oxford Group.

Believe nothing from anyone who claims to know the mind of god.

Ha, Ha, I say - "Catholic priest accused of stealing $1 million for male prostitutes."

You know what kills me? I kind of approve of the theft of church funds for the use on hookers, even male hookers and whatnot... because, honestly, fuck the church. And bonus points if he was doing meth or blow at the same time. What bugs me is at the same time this jackass was doing all this, I'm sure he was inculcating soft-headed impressionable kids with visions of fire and brimstone for doing the same things he indulged in. Hypocrisy 101 pisses me off to no end. Not to mention medieval moralities, sanctimonious fairy tales and puritanical nonsense.

Catholic priest accused of stealing $1 million for male prostitutes | ksdk.com | St. Louis, MO:

"A Roman Catholic priest in Connecticut has been arrested on charges he stole $1.3 million in church money over seven years to use for male escorts, expensive clothing, and luxury hotels and restaurants.

Waterbury police say the 64-year-old Rev. Kevin J. Gray was charged Tuesday with first-degree larceny. Gray is the former pastor at Sacred Heart/Sagrado Corazon Parish in Waterbury."

Mixed Emotions - The Definition. Via a Skype conversation w/the Mrs. - "Cannot wait to live under the same roof again..."

"...Simultaneously, would strangle a midget to be able to keep teaching my students here in Japan."

To be really evil you need a bureaucracy. Kafka would be proud.

Were I a violent man I'd suggest that the 9th Circuit need to be summarily strung up and have the shit kicked out of them.  But that would be wrong. 

Pointy headed jackassery at it's worst - Ninth Circuit Panel: Innocence, Schminnocence. We Have Rules, You Know. - Hit & Run : Reason Magazine:

A three-judge panel for the U.S. Court of Appeals for the Ninth Circuit has rejected an Oregon man's petition for habeas corpus relief. This despite acknowledging that the man has established actual innocence for the crimes for which he's being imprisoned (sexual abuse and sodomy of a four-year-old). The reason: He was late filing his petition. By the panel's reckoning, adherence to an arbitrary deadline created by legislators is a higher value than not continuing to imprison people we know to be innocent."

That's funny stuff - "As a product of Christian culture, your understanding of Africa is comprised entirely of lions, elephants, and unsaved savages..."

Liberia, ho!

#168 Africa - Stuff Christian Culture Likes:

"As a product of Christian culture, your understanding of Africa is comprised entirely of lions, elephants, and unsaved savages, and you are only vaguely familiar with the political unrest and economic corruption there but you've inferred somehow is that if Africa were a Christian nation then they wouldn't have these problems."

Yellow Fever proofed through 2020 - Africa prep is ongoing.

Salty Butter Biscuit Haagen Dazs Ice Cream - Japan blows your mind!

Tasted... odd.

Some final elementary school classes.

Flyswatter Karuta - the 'go-to' elementary school game.

Teaching via sticker bribery - an approved education modality.
3rd Grade.

Alphabet Concentration, the kids are totally better than I am at this.
4th Grade.

1st&2nd Grade.

I will crazy-eye you as long as it takes.

5th&6th Grade.

Lunchtime = Awesome.

Really, I think they're just trying to make me cry at this point.

Heart punch.

Vibram 5Fingers + laziness = defeat of Japanese cultural norms.

So, in Japan, just to go to school requires 3 pairs of shoes. Outside shoes/school inside shoes/gym shoes. But! Recent discoveries have allowed me streamline. Indoor shoes = the VFF Mocs, but when going out to the konbini from school, realized I can just slip my outside/bike to work/sport sandals overtop the VFF. Laziness win. Cheers.

"I'm big in Japan."

Jr High kids get a code of conduct book; best part is now I've got the school song for the record.

I, actually, can read/sing most of this now.  Well, the hiragana parts, leastways.  God bless 5 years in Japan.

All signs point to; Pepsi Japan approves my move to Africa.

Interesting/serendipity, this years "special" Pepsi Japan flavor is 'baobab' - meant to evoke Africa-ness.  Tasted a bit like how I'd imagine dried bark tastes, but still...

Ha - "Cocaine is a hell of a drug."

"Never Look Back. Nostalgia is For the Weak. Fight for the Horizon."

Via Immortal Weapons

One of the coolest things I've ever read, if only it were true - "You were on your way home when you died."

Reproduced in full... because.

You were on your way home when you died - svott.com:

"'It was a car accident. Nothing particularly remarkable, but fatal nonetheless. You left behind a wife and two children. It was a painless death. The EMTs tried their best to save you, but to no avail. Your body was so utterly shattered you were better off. Trust me.
And that's when you met me.
"What... what happened?" You asked. "Where am I?"
"You died," I said, matter-of-factly. No point mincing words.
"There was a...a truck and it was skidding..."
"Yup." I said.
"I... I died?"
"Yup. But don't feel bad about it. Everyone dies." I said.
You looked around. There was nothingness. Just you and me. "What is this place?" You asked.
"Is this the afterlife?"
"More or less," I said.
Are you god?" You asked.
"Yup." I replied. "I'm God."
"My kids... my wife," you said. "What about them? Will they be alright?"
"That what I like to see," I said. "You just died and your main concern is for your family. That's good stuff right there."
You looked at me with fascination. To you, I didn't look like God. I just looked like some man. Some vague authority figure. More of a grammar school teacher then the almighty.
"Don't worry," I said. "They'll be fine. Your kids will remember you as perfect in every way.
They didn't have time to grow contempt for you. Your wife will cry on the outside, but will be secretly relieved. To be fair, your marriage was falling apart. If it's any consolation she'll feel very guilty for feeling relieved."
"Oh," you said. "So what happens now? Do I go to heaven or hell or something?"
"Neither," I said. "You'll be reincarnated."
"Ah, so the Hindus were right."
"All the religions are right in their own way," I said. "Walk with me." You followed along as we strolled in the void.
"Where are we going?"
"Nowhere in particular," I said. "It's just nice to walk while we talk."
"So whats the point, then?" You asked. "When I get reborn, I'll just be a blank slate right? A baby. So all my experiences and everything I did in this life won't matter."
"Not so!" I said. "You have within you all the knowledge and experiences of all your past lives. You just don't remember them right now."
I stopped walking and took you by the shoulders. "Your soul is more magnificent, beautiful, and gigantic then you can possibly imagine. A human mind can only contain a tiny fraction of what you are. It's like sticking your finger in a glass of water to see if it's hot or cold. You put a tiny part or yourself into the vessel, and when you bring it back out, you've gained all the experiences it had.
"You've been a human for the last 34 years, so you haven't stretched out yet and felt the rest of you immense consciousness. If we hung out here for longer, you'd start remembering everything. But there's no point doing that between each life."
"How many times have I been reincarnated, then?"
"Oh lots. Lots and lots. And into lots of different lives." I said. "This time around you'll be a Chinese peasant girl in 540 A.D."
"Wait, what?" You stammered. "You're sending me back in time?"
"Well, I guess technically. Time, as you know it, only exists in your universe. Things are different where I come from."
"Where you come from?" You pondered.
"Oh sure!" I explained. "I come from somewhere. Somewhere else. And there's others like me. I know you'll want to know what it's like there but you honestly wont understand."
"Oh." you said, a little let down. "But wait. If I get reincarnated to other places in time, could I have interacted with myself at some point?"
"Sure. Happens all the time. And with both lives only aware of their own time span you don't even know it's happening."
"So what's the point of it all?"
"Seriously?" I asked. "Seriously? You're asking me for the meaning of life? Isn't that a little stereotypical?"
"Well it's a reasonable question." you persisted.
I looked in your eyes. "The meaning of life, the reason I made this whole universe, is for you to mature."
"You mean mankind? You want us to mature?"
"No. Just you. I made this whole universe for you. With each new life you grow and mature, and become a larger and greater intellect."
"Just me? What about everyone else?"
"There is no one else," I said. "In this universe, there's just you. And me."
You stared blankly at me. "But all the people on earth..."
"All you. Different incarnations of you."
"Wait. I'm everyone!?"
"Now your getting it." I said, with a congratulatory slap on the back.
"I'm every human who ever lived?"
"Or who will ever live, yes."
"I'm Abraham Lincoln?"
"And you're John Wilkes Booth, too." I added.
"I'm Hitler?" you said, appalled.
"And you're the millions he killed."
"I'm Jesus?"
"And you're everyone who followed him."
You fell silent.
"Every time you victimized someone," I said, "You were victimizing yourself. Every act of kindness you've done, you've done to yourself. Every happy and sad moment ever experienced by any human was, or will be, experienced by you."
"Why?" You asked me. "Why do all this?"
"Because someday, you will become like me. Because that's what you are. You're one of my kind. You're my child."
"Whoa." you said, incredulous. "You mean I'm a god?"
"No. Not yet. You're a fetus. You're still growing. Once you've lived every human life throughout all time, you will have grown enough to be born."
"So the whole universe," you said. "It's just..."
"An egg of sorts." I answered. "Now it's time for you to move on to your next life." And I sent you on your way."

Calling to cancel my internets... boy, that just made it really reals.

Understanding language, words, politics, reality and how we're all lied to - "...have you noticed that the media has dropped "assassination" and now uses the soothingly dry phrase "targeted killing," instead?"

The Heart of the Matter: It's Just a Leak:

"Flack: I called it "persuasion" when I got the media to describe our escalation in Iraq as the "surge." Strong, assertive word, don't you think? With such great inherent imagery of waves crashing powerfully against the beach, and then -- this is the best part -- receding! And with none of the unhelpful Vietnam associations of "escalation." And I called it persuasion when I got the New York Times, USA Today, Wall Street Journal, and Washington Post to stop calling waterboarding "torture" and start referring to "enhanced interrogation techniques," instead. Who do you think got the media to call the people we've been holding at Guantanamo, Bagram, and the black sites for nearly a decade "detainees" rather than "prisoners"? Forgive me for boasting, but "detainee" was such a brilliant word... high school students get detained for failing to turn in their homework, so nothing but a big yawn from the public. And have you noticed that the media has dropped "assassination" and now uses the soothingly dry phrase "targeted killing," instead? Who do you think persuaded them to do that? And look at Israel's "Security Fence" -- my God, if you can get the media to refer to a double-lined, razor-wire-topped, 18-foot-tall concrete wall snaking for miles through the desert as just a "fence"... well, people, I submit to you that we can also get the media to refer to the Gulf incident as nothing but a spill or a leak, too. I guarantee you, two months from now, if you Google the phrase "Gulf of Mexico Oil Spill," you'll get 23 million hits, easy. The few instances you'll find of eruption, geyser, gusher and the like will be eclipsed and our job will be done."

Reminds me of nothing so much as George Carlin's riff on euphemisms and soft language.

George Carlin - Soft Language

Glenn | MySpace

Oh, *now* I understand the appeal of soccer - "World Cup replica made of cocaine found in Colombia..."

BBC News - World Cup replica made of cocaine found in Colombia:

"The World Cup replica was made up of 11kg (24 lb) of the drug, mixed with acetone or gasoline to make it mouldable.

The gold-painted statue was found on a routine sweep of the airport on Friday, authorities said."

Standard political discourse, early 21st century.

Overheard in New York | Aw, It's Almost Like a Christmas Atmosphere!:

"Patriot: Happy motherfucking America Day, everyone!
20-something: It's called the 4th of July, dumbass.
Patriot: You shut your goddamn liberal commie bitch ass mouth, you fuckin terrorist!

--Brooklyn Heights

Overheard by: Graham Davis"

"Are You an Individualist?" - Eh, seems about right.

You are 76% Individualist

You're probably an individualist, but one who comes to that place largely by being a good person and dealing with other people as individuals. You're a great guy or gal to be around at all times, but since your individualism comes from the heart and not from the mind, you're prone to errors that sometimes cause harm to yourself and others. Your problem is one of unnecessary compromise, and you just need to go all the way. The lives of others can never be yours to dictate the terms of, regardless of the circumstances. Your journey is to work on understanding what it is in the nature of the human being that leads you to be individualist in most matters, and then apply those principles to all other areas. You're almost there.

Are You an Individualist?
Take More Quizzes

Jim Jefferies is hilarious.

“The Bible says Hell is all fire and brimstone and pain. That’s God’s book. As far as I know, the Devil hasn’t brought out a BOOK. We don’t know his side of the argument! If you ask me, the Devil and God are having an argument, and the Devil’s being the bigger fuckin man. God’s writing shit about him and the Devil’s saying ‘I’m not even gonna fuckin’ comment son, if you’re gonna talk about me like that!’"