Modern Drunkard's "86 Rules of Boozing." - #24 is my favorite, w/#45 a close second.

Full list at the link.  Selected excellence below.

Modern Drunkard Magazine:

"24. After your sixth drink, do not look at yourself in the mirror. It will shake your confidence.

31. If you have been roommates with someone more than six months, you may drink all their beer, even if it's hidden, as long as you leave them one.

45. It's okay to drink alone.

82. There’s nothing wrong with drinking before noon. Especially if you’re supposed to be at work."