"The 5 Most Badass Presidents of All-Time | Cracked.com"

These were pretty brilliant.

The 5 Most Badass Presidents of All-Time | Cracked.com:

"Greatest Display of Badassedry:
Andrew Jackson was the first president on whom an assassination attempt was made. A man named Richard Lawrence approached Jackson with two pistols both of which, for some reason, misfired. With the possibility of an assassination taken off the table, Jackson proceeded to beat Lawrence near death with his cane until Jackson's aides pulled him off the assassin.

The guns were inspected afterwards and it was discovered that they were in perfect working order, leading some historians to believe that it was an odds-defying 'miracle' that Jackson survived, while we're pretty sure that the bullets, like everyone else, were simply scared of Jackson.

--

Teddy Roosevelt was a badass of the people. Roosevelt received letters from army cavalrymen complaining about having to ride 25 miles a day for training and, in response, Teddy rode horseback for 100 miles, from sunrise to sunset, at 51 years old, effectively rescinding anyone's right to complain about anything, ever again.

Did we mention he had asthma growing up? He did, and after he beat asthma to death, he ate asthma's raw flesh and ran 100 straight miles off the energy it gave him.

Greatest Display of Badassedry:
While campaigning for a third term, Roosevelt was shot by a madman and, instead of treating the wound, delivered his campaign speech with the bleeding, undressed bullet hole in his chest...

Most Badass Quote:
This quote actually comes from a fellow politician at the time of Roosevelt's death: "Death had to take him sleeping, for if Roosevelt had been awake there would have been a fight." We have no witty commentary for that. That is just straight up badass. "

"Wassup 2008" - with the original players.

Wassup 2008 - Boing Boing:

"Wassup 2008: A brilliant parody short... Update: apparently this is the original cast, reunited. Wow, cool."

"A Poem For The Youth Voter."

illdoc brings wisdom. Smoothly.

American culture is so hypocritically screwed.

Well, a porno it’s not -- Newsday.com:

"'I don't have kids,' said Smith's longtime producer, Scott Mosier, 'but I have gone to my friends who have kids and asked a bunch of them about the 'porno'-on-a-poster thing, and 99 percent said, 'What about all the posters that say 'death,' 'slaughter' and 'murder' and have images that are a lot more frightening?'

'They also say, 'Of all the stuff I have to deal with, that is not one of the big problems.''"

The wisdom of Joss Whedon.

Via 28/08/2008 on Warren Ellis' Flickr

They make it easy to hate them for their ignorance.

If only they didn't delight in it so much.

Balloon Juice » Blog Archive » The Cure to Autism Involves Mocking a Route to the Cure:

"Sarah Palin... in her big “policy speech” yesterday:

Where does a lot of that earmark money end up anyway? […] You’ve heard about some of these pet projects they really don’t make a whole lot of sense and sometimes these dollars go to projects that have little or nothing to do with the public good. Things like fruit fly research in Paris, France. I kid you not.

Take it away, PZ Myers:

...You damn well better believe that there is research going on in animal models — what does she expect, that scientists should mutagenize human mothers and chop up baby brains for this work? — and countries like France and Germany and England and Canada and China and India and others are all respected participants in these efforts.

Yes, scientists work on fruit flies. Some of the most powerful tools in genetics and molecular biology are available in fruit flies, and these are animals that are particularly amenable to experimentation. Molecular genetics has revealed that humans share key molecules, the basic developmental toolkit, with all other animals, thanks to our shared evolutionary heritage (something else the wackaloon from Wasilla denies), and that we can use these other organisms to probe the fundamental mechanisms that underlie core processes in the formation of the nervous system — precisely the phenomena Palin claims are so important.

This is the type of ignorant Christian Nationalism, where hillbilly gut instincts and religious edicts trump knowledge and reason, that corrupt Republicanism has devolved into. This is what is meant to be “conservative” these days. It has nothing to do with the conservatism of years past, and everything to do with nativism (notice how Paris, France was included in the mocking- those god damned furriners!), reflexive hatred of the other, suspicion and derision towards those who know something, and cronyism. This woman embodies everything that is wrong with the current Republican party; there is a reason the know-nothings embrace her..."

"Broken Koans and other Zen debris."

Well done...

Broken Koans and other Zen debris:

"Three people were walking on the road, and they saw a man standing on a hill.

'I wonder what that man is doing,' one of them said, 'perhaps he is waiting for someone.'

'I'll bet he's looking for a cow that has strayed,' said another.

'Or perhaps he is just enjoying the breeze,' said the third.

So the three people went up the hill to the man, to find out.

'We're just curious,' they said, 'are you waiting for someone? Or are you perhaps looking for a cow that has strayed? Or are you just enjoying the breeze?'

'None of those,' said the man. 'Actually I was taking a leak in the bushes.'

--

Pupil: Why did the Bodhidharma come from India to China?

Master: I have no idea. Why do people always ask me that?

--

Two monks were arguing about a flag. One said, "The flag is moving."
The other said, "The wind is moving."
Julian Barbour happened to be passing by. He told them, "Not the wind, not the flag."
The first monk said, "Is the mind moving?"
Barbour replied, "Not even mind is moving."
The second monk said, "Is time moving?"
Barbour said, "There is no time. You could say that it is mu-ving."
"Then why do we think that flags flap, and wind blows, and minds change, and time moves?" inquired the first monk.
Barbour thought, and said, "Because you remember."

--

One afternoon a student said "Roshi, I don't really understand what's going on. I mean, we sit in zazen and we gassho to each other and everything, and Felicia got enlightened when the bottom fell out of her water-bucket, and Todd got enlightened when you popped him one with your staff, and people work on koans and get enlightened, but I've been doing this for two years now, and the koans don't make any sense, and I don't feel enlightened at all! Can you just tell me what's going on?"

"Well you see," Roshi replied, "for most people, and especially for most educated people like you and I, what we perceive and experience is heavily mediated, through language and concepts that are deeply ingrained in our ways of thinking and feeling. Our objective here is to induce in ourselves and in each other a psychological state that involves the unmediated experience of the world, because we believe that that state has certain desirable properties. It's impossible in general to reach that state through any particular form or method, since forms and methods are themselves examples of the mediators that we are trying to avoid. So we employ a variety of ad hoc means, some linguistic like koans and some non-linguistic like zazen, in hopes that for any given student one or more of our methods will, in whatever way, engender the condition of non-mediated experience that is our goal. And since even thinking in terms of mediators and goals tends to reinforce our undesirable dependency on concepts, we actively discourage exactly this kind of analytical discourse."

And the student was enlightened."

Watchmen, the 2nd Trailer. *Updated w/better video.*

Continues to look good. Just awesome visuals. Fingers crossed that it comes off.

"Banning “Gaijin.”"

This is funnier when you know there are some uptight, professionally offended morons people who "object" to the term gaijin.



Via The Outside World News #2 and #3: Banning “Gaijin” | Japan Probe

Today's Awesomeness.

Brought to you by: riot rite right clit clip click

Overheard Roundup.

I am exhausted today [I blame yesterday's elementary school classes] and sharing/propagating the viral humor makes me feel better. That is all.

Overheard Everywhere | In Every Job That Must Be Done, There Is an Element of Fun:

"Gay male flight attendant: If you'll be requiring wheelchair assistance when we get to Cleveland, please remain seated. Because, if you stand up, we'll assume you've been healed by the Holy Spirit and no longer need our help.
Passengers: (laughter)
Flight attendant: And please keep your seatbelts fastened until we've reached the gate and come to a complete stop.
(man in front row unbuckles his belt)
Flight attendant: Stop it, cheater!

Southwest Airlines Flight
Cleveland, Ohio

Overheard by: Erica"

Overheard in the Office | This Sort Of Thing Happens Before Lift-Off at NASA All the Time:

"Boss to office (about imminent website launch): Five minutes to go live!
Boss to sysadmin: Are you going to do anything?
Sysadmin to boss: I'm diabetic, I need a burrito.
Boss to office: Go live delayed for burrito.

Tucson, Arizona"

"It's funny, cute, sentimental, and incredibly awkward and horrifying all at once."

I watched entirely too much Happy Days as a kid to not enjoy this.

The Fonz, Richie, Andy, and Opie are pro Obama - Boing Boing:

"Ron Howard, Andy Grffith, and Henry Winkler revived some old characters in a pro-Obama 'call to action.' It's funny, cute, sentimental, and incredibly awkward and horrifying all at once."

Training 200/T2 - 53.

20m cardio/6 meals/2.6L water

Because I had [apparently] made a note of it in my calendar, this is day 200 since I started working out again. Consistency is key...

Body-for-LIFE Challenge Champions 1999:

"Tom Archipley 1999 Grand Champion"

It really does happen.

Overheard in the Office | Get My Baseball Bat:

"Coworker, waving arms in the air frantically: Ahhh! The kindergarteners are rioting!

Orem, Utah

Overheard by: Do what?"

T2 - 49 thru 52.

49 - 20m cardio/2 meals/2L water [Sundays are a bitch]
50 - Lower body wkout/6 meals/3.4L water
51 - 20m cardio/6 meals/3L water
52 - Upper body wkout/6 meals/3.1L water

In other news, inspired by Mike, I picked up one of those fancy scales that do BF%. And the results were so sad and depressing that I'm gonna wait till I get those #s down before I start bearing more of my soul and embarrassment here.

Inspiration: Body-for-LIFE Challenge Champions 2000:

"Taizo Ikeda
2000 Grand Champion
Men Age 26-32

Taizo Ikeda from Canada — This 31-year-old mechanical designer from Canada was tired of feeling dissatisfied with his life and decided to do something about it. He lost 25 lbs. of fat, becoming a new man in the process. 'I feel a great sense of accomplishment by sticking to the promise I made to myself. I got to know myself and my body in a new way, and now appreciate life and what it has to offer.'"

I took a couple seminars from him when I lived in Hawaii - "Enson Inoue arrested in Japan for possession of marijuana."

Four things come to mind reading this... 1 - Enson was a pretty good dude the couple times I met him. An intense guy, but nice. 2 - I really can't believe in the 21st century people are still being arrested for possessing a plant that grows naturally upon the earth. 3 - That being said, you do not carry in Japan. They are insane about this kind of thing. Somehow marijuana became the king of all bad guys here. They do not play. And 4 - I wonder if his Yakuza connections are gonna help or hinder him with this?

Enson Inoue arrested in Japan for possession of marijuana | FightOpinion.com - Your Global Connection to the Fight Industry.:

"On the Japanese news wires today, a mainstream media report that 41-year old Enson Inoue (of Iwatsuki-ku, Saitama) was arrested by Tokyo Metropolitan Police on possession of marijuana. According to the report, police suspected Inoue of possession and he admitted as such to the authorities. The report claims that Inoue told police that he got the marijuana from an acquaintance a month ago and inhaled about 3 or 4 times in a month.

According to reports at both Mainichi Daily News and Nikkan Sports, a policeman busted Inoue at 3 PM JST on the 18th (Saturday) at a coin-parking machine in (Ikebukuro) Toshima city (Tokyo). During a car inspection, the policeman discovered marijuana cigarettes (up to 16.9 grams of marijuana) in the car’s sunroof, door compartment, and pocket(s) of Inoue’s clothing."

North Carolinians with no damn home training.

Sometimes I do not miss it one damn bit. Ignorance and rudeness, I swear.

'Socialist,' 'Muslim' — Ugly reception for Obama - Politico Staff - Politico.com:

"Barack Obama's stop at Cape Fear BBQ and Chicken in Fayetteville, N.C., this afternoon underscored the continued resistance of some voters to his candidacy — and his identity. The trip, according to a pool report, offered “some powerful and at times ugly interaction.”

...Later, Obama came to the long table where Fanning and other members of a local First Presbyterian church were gathered. He held out his hand to her and asked, “How are you, ma’am?” but she declined to shake his hand.

Fanning asked Obama about a North American union, and Obama responded: “Well, you know, I am opposed to it if it were happening. But it doesn’t seem to be actually be happening. The truth of the matter is there is no plans. I’ve talked to a lot of people, including folks down in Texas. There’s no plan to create a common government between Mexico, U.S. and Canada. That’s just not … that’s just not happening. I know some people have been hearing rumors about it. But as far as I can tell, that’s just not something that’s happening. We would never give up our sovereignty in that way. Any other questions?

In an interview, Fanning said, “I still think he’s a closet Muslim.”

But some of the other older white diners looked surprised and slightly uncomfortable as Obama stopped at their tables to shake hands. “I’m surprised, but I’m not going to say anything else,” said Pat Smith, who was joined by her husband."

I want to get old like this.

Overheard in New York | Nobody Respects a Wimpy Whiner, Y'know:

"Teen: I'll get us a cab.
Grandma: Let's just walk, it's only a few blocks from here.
Teen: Are you sure? What about your hip?
Grandma: Well, it hurts, dear, but I'm not going to be a pussy about it.

--57th St"

This is perfect. - "Warren Ellis » Why My American Readers Should Vote This Time."

"Because you either want the same kind of country this woman wants, or you don’t."

Via Warren Ellis

I most assuredly do not want. In fact, watching this made me want to stab out my eyes with knitting needles and sear my own ears off. You know, metaphorically. Except really.

Holiday Inn Fail.

[Hi Jr.]


see more pwn and owned pictures

Of course they did - "Stone Age man took drugs, say scientists."

Stone Age man took drugs, say scientists - Telegraph:

"It has long been suspected that humans have an ancient history of drug use, but there has been a lack of proof to support the theory.

Now, however, researchers have found equipment used to prepare hallucinogenic drugs for sniffing, and dated them back to prehistoric South American tribes."

Psychedelics are why we believe in gods and have religion. And probably why we have speech and communication as well. But shhhhh! ...don't tell anyone.

Voting used to be very different. - "We will insist that how we vote be secret. The founders didn’t plan for this... There is no plan..."

This whole article on the history of voting in America is fascinating...

Annals of Democracy: Rock, Paper, Scissors: Reporting & Essays: The New Yorker:

"...The American adoption of the “Australian ballot”—and the radical idea that governments should provide ballots—was hard fought. It lies, if long forgotten, behind every argument about how we ought to vote now, from the 2002 Help America Vote Act’s promotion of paperless voting to the more recent backlash, favoring a paper trail. And it is also, like every other American election reform, a patch upon a patch.

The United States was founded as an experiment in eighteenth-century republicanism, in which it was understood that only men with property would vote, and publicly, since they were the only people who could be trusted to vote with the commonweal, and not private gain, in mind. What went on in 1859 was something altogether different: voting was still public, but all white men could vote, and nearly seventy per cent of them managed to do so in the congressional elections that year, pistols and fisticuffs notwithstanding. From an eighteenth-century point of view, how we vote now looks even stranger. Casting a ballot remains the defining act of American citizenship. But, especially since the election of 2000, with its precariously hanging chad, many people worry that voting in America is a shambles and even a sham, that the machinery of our democracy is broken, crippled by confusing, illegible, and deceptive ballots; vote-counting devices either rickety and outdated or new, gimmicky, and untested but, in any case, unreliable and by no means tamperproof; and a near total absence of national standards and federal oversight. In this fall’s Presidential election, every citizen who is eighteen or older—except, in some states, prisoners and felons—will be eligible to vote. Somewhat more than half of us will turn up. We won’t be clobbered, stabbed, or shot. We will not have to bring our own ballots. We will insist that how we vote be secret. The founders didn’t plan for this. No one planned for it. There is no plan. It’s patches all the way down.

Americans used to vote with their voices—viva voce—or with their hands or with their feet. Yea or nay. Raise your hand. All in favor of Jones, stand on this side of the town common; if you support Smith, line up over there. In the colonies, as in the mother country, casting a vote rarely required paper and pen. The word “ballot” comes from the Italian ballotta, or little ball, and a ballot often was a ball, or at least something ballish, like a pea or a pebble, or, not uncommonly, a bullet. Colonial Pennsylvanians commonly voted by tossing beans into a hat. Paper voting wasn’t meant to conceal anyone’s vote; it was just easier than counting beans. Our forebears considered casting a “secret ballot” cowardly, underhanded, and despicable; as one South Carolinian put it, voting secretly would “destroy that noble generous openness that is characteristick of an Englishman.”

In 1634, the governor of Massachusetts was elected “by papers” for the first time; thirteen years later, a Bay Colony law dictated voting “by wrighting the names of the persons Elected.” But, outside learned, literate New England, this would have been entirely impractical. Only very slowly did voting by paper grow common enough that the word “ballot” came to mean not a ball but a piece of paper. Well after American independence, elections remained widely the stuff of corn and beans and hands and feet..."

"How to not speak like a Japanese Transvestite" and other assorted 'Japanese' videos from my weekend YouTube spiral.

"How to not speak like a Japanese Transvestite"

"*as some people are kindly pointing out - when I say the meiji era (or area, as I terribly put it) happened in the early 1800s, I mean mid to late 1800s. I don't know what I was thinking. See? Bad history lesson.

One of America's biggest problems in terms of learning Japanese is the fact that 90% of teachers are women. That means 90% of people learning Japanese are learning women's language, which in turn makes boys sound like girls, and girls sound like girls (oh no!). I hope to remedy this, for a couple of people, at least."

"KEN TANAKA LEARNS WHY MEN GO TO HOSTESS CLUBS 池袋のキャバクラ"

This is deeply philosophical and illuminating. Right before it gets slightly pervy.



The guy from the last video talks about his time as a "host" in a host bar.



"How to speak fluent Japanese without saying a word PART 2"

I'll be posting this as many times as I need to until it sinks in - "Bill Hicks: Life is Just a Ride."

"The world is like a ride in an amusement park. And when you choose to go on it you think it's real because that's how powerful our minds are.

And the ride goes up and down and round and round. It has thrills and chills and it's very brightly coloured and it's very loud and it's fun, for a while.

Some people have been on the ride for a long time and they begin to question: "Is this real, or is this just a ride?"

And other people have remembered, and they come back to us, they say: "Hey, don't worry, don't be afraid, ever, because this is just a ride." ... and we kill those people.



Ha ha, "Shut him up. We have a lot invested in this ride. Shut him up. Look at my furrows of worry. Look at my big bank account and my family. This just has to be real." It's just a ride. But we always kill those good guys who try and tell us that, you ever notice that? And let the demons run amok. But it doesn't matter, because it's just a ride. And we can change it anytime we want. It's only a choice.

No effort, no work, no job, no savings and money. A choice, right now, between fear and love. The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your doors, buy guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love instead see all of us as ONE.

Here's what we can do to change the world, right now, to a better ride. Take all that money we spend on weapons and defense each year, and instead spend it feeding, clothing and educating the poor of the world, which it would many times over, not one human being excluded, and we can explore space together, both inner and outer, forever, in peace."

Stickfighting.

It's been, let's see... 5 years [?] since I swung sticks. Geez. I kinda miss it.

Robert A. Heinlein Quotes.

You know, Stranger in a Strange Land is the only full novel of his I've ever read [and it kicked ass, I thought] though a buddy swears by his "juveniles" [hi Spence!]...

Philosophy wise, he ran the gamut in his life. He was a complex dude. He attended the US Naval Academy and served in the Navy until he was discharged after the war for TB. He did some socialist and left wing organizing. But later in life he swung hard right and supported Republicans. But even at that time he wrote some fiction that argued for a lot of the left wing agenda. Some of his works were taken as pro-military, almost fascist, anti-communism stories. But Stranger in a Strange Land was embraced by 60s counterculture.

Regardless, he himself always seemed to be giving voice to ideas in the interest of self determination, liberation and philosophy.

Smart guy, quite a way with words.

Dedroidify: Robert A. Heinlein Quotes:

"No intelligent man has any respect for an unjust law.

Secrecy is the beginning of tyranny.

The whole principle is wrong. It's like demanding that grown men live on skim milk because the baby can't have steak. (On censorship)

Men rarely (if ever) manage to dream up a god superior to themselves. Most gods have the manners and morals of a spoiled child.

Democracy is based on the assumption that a million men are wiser than one man. How's that again? I missed something.
Autocracy is based on the assumption that one man is wiser than a million men. Let's play that over again, too. Who decides?

A competent and self-confident person is incapable of jealousy in anything. Jealousy is invariably a symptom of neurotic insecurity.

One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.

Taxes are not levied for the benefit of the taxed.

Progress is made by lazy men looking for easier ways to do things.

Sin lies only in hurting others unnecessarily. All other "sins" are invented nonsense.

There is no worse tyranny than to force a man to pay for what he does not want merely because you think it would be good for him.

Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.

Never appeal to a man's "better nature." He may not have one. Invoking his self-interest gives you more leverage.

I also think there are prices too high to pay to save the United States. Conscription (Mandatory Military Service) is one of them. Conscription is slavery, and I don't think that any people or nation has a right to save itself at the price of slavery for anyone, no matter what name it is called. We have had the draft for twenty years now; I think this is shameful. If a country can't save itself through the volunteer service of its own free people, then I say: Let the damned thing go down the drain!"