Joe Rogan cracks me up.

Internet message board flamewars are usually as dumb as real life arguments to the nth power... but when a professional comedian, used to quashing hecklers, decides to lay the smackdown, it's pretty damn funny. And it's Joe Rogan, so it gets all philosophical and operant cultural conditioning on ya. Joe Rogan, the Timothy Leary of comedians, ladies and gents...

Dear Mr. Riddler... - The Rogan Board:

"First off, let's start with what makes me laugh the most. This whole 'You gotta grow up' shit. That is easily one of the most retarded arguments that people who have kids use to justify why their lives are more just or righteous.

One of the more interesting things about this statement, and I've heard it before, is that it always comes from guys that are either married or are living with chicks, and they almost all have kids. As if the biological process of shooting a live load into a chicks snatch and having her pump out a living organism that shares your DNA makes you a 'grown up.'

You're just a guy that got a girl pregnant and decided to stick around. There’s nothing “noble” about that. It’s nice that you’re there to raise your kid and offer guidance and support, but don’t get confused and think it somehow makes you special and a “grown up.”

There are no "grown ups." They don't exist. There's just people living a temporary life on a rock spinning around in space. Some have been alive longer than others and have accumulated more knowledge, but they’re just people. That’s it. Everything else that you add to what you’re doing here is just your ego’s way of justifying your ultimately pointless existence. The whole idea of you saying “You gotta grow up someday” is nothing more than someone showing their frustration for their own life, and somehow thinking that what I’m doing with mine HAS to have some sort of a downside to it, so you take the hack route, and say that there’s something wrong with NOT conforming.

That, is TRULY fucking hysterical.

People vary in age and occupation and personality, but they’re just people, and no one has any idea what the fuck this life is all about. Most people are just playing follow the leader, locking into predetermined patterns of behavior set into motion by the people that were born before you that were just as clueless as you are, but they were there first, so fuck it. I'll just do what they're doing. See, that's what being a "grown up" is; following a cultural pattern.

This idea that responsibility and family life are some sort of higher calling that has a righteousness and elevated end to it all is mindless bullshit. All you are doing by having kids is keeping this species moving. I know you THINK it's meaningful and beautiful and that there's rewards for this life that I can't possibly comprehend, but you're just breeding.

I know a fuck more about having a wife and kids than you do of being a celebrity, tubs. I’ve lived with chicks, and I’ve lived with a chick and her kid. I also have plenty of friends that have kids, and luckily most are honest about what it’s like.

I know the pleasures of it. I know the glow that a parent feels when they see their child learn new things, and show improvement. I also know that all a kid is really is just a growing organism, and these feelings of wonder and love that you feel from such common things as a child’s first steps are really just a biological trick in the form of a chemical called oxytosin produced by your brain that makes you connected with the child. It’s nature’s way of rewarding you with pleasure to ensure that you’ll continue to provide for and guide this little organism so that it can grow to fruition and make some people of it’s own.

Now, here’s the original post that I made that got you so riled up: “"People fucking lie about how great having kids is. I'm sure it's great SOME of the time, but it's no substitution for freedom, and anyone who tells you it is, likely has a bunch of fucking loser friends, so freedom means hanging out with them, and that's no picnic either."

Here’s what I think about that post: First off, people DO lie about having kids.

Even if they love them, which most people I know that have kids do, it’s rough, and most of the time they lie about how great it is. I’ve had friends that fucking LOVE their kids admit to this. They have to think that way to keep it going.

I personally don’t think that having kids is a substitution for the freedom that you get when you don’t have a wife and kids. Of course that’s just my opinion, and everyone is different, but I stand by what I said.

Now, for the other part, “and anyone that tells you it is, likely has a bunch of fucking loser friends” that was a flippant statement on my part. Everyone is different and everyone has a different personality. To some people having kids and being married might be the coolest thing ever, and it’s very possible that they have cool friends.

I was just running off at the mouth when I wrote that. However, I do think it probably applies to you. I just can’t imagine that with that sloppy mind of yours you’ve managed to surround yourself with a bunch of interesting, creative people, and I’m more than willing to bet that your friends are all losers.

I just can’t see anyone cool sitting around with you while you talk about how bad ass you are in bar fights, and how when you kick guys asses they buy you drinks.
Nope. Can’t see it.

I think you’re a dope, and I’m betting your friends are dopes too.

Did I say something dumb when I said that people that prefer kids over freedom are likely losers, I believe I did, because if you like it, and it works for you, then that’s all good really. But I’m glad I said it, because it made you make that thread, and that made me spark up a joint, and use you as my daily writing exercise...""