Yes, you. You, right there.

I Just Flew in from Wednesday, and Boy, Are My One-Liners Tired!

Flight attendant: Once again, please remain seated until the captain does turn off the 'Fasten seatbelt' sign... That includes all passengers in row nine... That includes all passengers wearing a blue polo... Yes, thank you, and have a great day.

--JFK

Pilot: Welcome to JetBlue flight 703 to San Juan... I'm from South Carolina. We do something special there -- we let our kids drive at the age of fifteen. I've got a 15-year-old son and a 16-year-old daughter, so if you're thinking of driving to Florida, do me a favor and fly JetBlue -- it's safer than driving through South Carolina, and my car insurance for my daughter last year was 15 hundred dollars, and now I have to add my son, so I really need this job to afford it.

--JFK

Overheard by: alan b hutscar

Flight attendant: ... And if you do require anything during this flight, simply press the button located above your head. Do not approach the galley, as it scares the hell out of me and I am not emotionally prepared to handle that today.

--LaGuardia

Overheard by: Sheffler

Flight attendant: ... And be sure that you lock your tray tables and place your seat backs in their least comfortable position for takeoff.

--JFK

Overheard by: Ardbeg78

Pilot: Well, folks, I'm sorry about the delay, but, uh, airplanes are complicated machines, you know? And sometimes they break.

--United flight, JFK

Overheard by: clueless about electronics

via Overheard in New York, Jan 30, 2008