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Sunday, January 20, 2008

"I did as you asked. With her name. But, I don't understand. Who's Alana?"

I re-watched an ep of Star Trek: New Voyages that I had burned it to a CD... "The World Enough and Time."

Wasn't even sure why, really. Till now.

Sulu, via the vagaries of the standard scifi tropes, time travel and whatnot, lives 30 years that are eventually wiped from the timestream. Has a daughter whose life disappears. And then goes on to live out his days, have a normal family, another daughter, a grandaughter...

The last line... the last line choked me up... the last line - "You had a sister."

...

I have a sister, too.

Odds are, I will never know her.

Never know who she is. Never know anything.

It pisses me off.

It makes me sad.

It makes me angry.

Angry at a mother who I don't even speak to anymore, who would keep and have us live a life of secrets and lies.

Angry at a whole world of experiences I'll never have an inkling about.

Sad at a loss I never even knew I deserved to know about.

Angry at growing up and living a life that wasn't even real. Wasn't even true.

Was, among other things, bullshit.

I've found, despite that wanting of it to be otherwise, that "family" is a lie.

Secrets and lies, damn it all to hell.

...

I have a sister.

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