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Wednesday, August 01, 2007

I nominate Joe Rogan as the philosopher king of the country.

For his insights on religion, and cocaine, alone...

The Joe Rogan Blog » Conduit to the Gaian Mind » “I’ve been everywhere, man…”:
"Now, if I had to choose between hanging out with someone who is fucked up on coke, or someone who is fucked up on the baby Jesus… well, that’s a tough call.

The one thing you DEFINITELY want to avoid though, is a cokehead that’s also a Jesus freak. That, my friends, is a one two combo that can very easily lead to an opening segment on the evening news.

The problem I’ve always had with people that are doing coke is that their ego gets out of control, and they can tend to get violent.

And if you know someone that’s a coke head, and then all of a sudden they start text messaging you bible quotes – I’d say that’s a pretty good time to get the fuck outta town.

...And for those people out there hating on California - please put it to rest.

Forget all the bullshit you hear about people being dumb or fake, (all true) all you need to know is that it’s 80 degrees and sunny year round, the women are ridiculously hot, you can get state legal medical marijuana in over 500 different locations, and the Terminator is the fucking governor.
This state fucking RULES.
Sure there are some idiots here, but there’s idiots everywhere. No getting away from them.
What California does have going for it though, is that most of the people that live here moved here because wherever they used to live sucked.

...There’s sooo many weird state laws out there, especially when it comes to sex.
For instance: You can’t have sex with a 16 year old girl in Boston, but you can always take her on a trip to New Hampshire where it’s totally legal.

“I heard about a place that has the BEST ice cream, and it’s only an hour drive away!”

The age of consent in New Hampshire is 16, but if you want to try any of that homo stuff, you have to be at least 18 or they’ll lock you up.

I’m pretty sure I was a lot smarter if I was a sober 13 than a drunk 21. Maybe they should take that into account up there too since they have a liquor store just about every 20 yards.

When I was a kid, Boston had those retarded colonial age “blue laws,” where liquor stores were not allowed to sell you booze on Sunday, so people often drove up to New Hampshire to buy booze. It was a regular event. We actually had people that made laws forcing you to observe religious days, and to not allow folks to earn money selling perfectly legal booze on “the Lord’s day.”

Sort of like our own little Taliban.

...How about a one-mile strip in between states where you could do whatever the fuck you want.

Carry a handgun, get a hooker, eat magic mushrooms, run around naked and piss in the street screaming into a megaphone that you’re going to kill the president and fuck his lifeless face - anything you want to do, as long as it doesn’t actually hurt anyone.

We can just have a few common sense and decency laws.

There would be a big sign when you enter:

You are now entering a “gray area” of limited laws. You must be 18 or over to enter this area.

The rules are:

No murder.

No rape.

No thievery.

No drunk driving, and you can’t fuck kids.

Good luck, be careful, and have fun.”

How fucking cool would that be?

One mile of casinos, 24 hour liquor stores, whore houses and night clubs that only close for a couple hours to clean up.

And when we catch people in that area that are just useless douchebags, we can all pass a vote on it and kill them.

To the person that lacks the proper vision that can seem barbaric, but really that’s just the right and civilized way to deal with some people that are beyond hope. It’s not like there’s some shortage of people, and leaving them locked up in a cage until their heart stops beating isn’t really doing them any favors. I’m not talking about doing this for normal illegal shit - just for stuff like murderers, rapists and kid fuckers.

I believe that there are certain people that deserve a second chance.

I believe that many people evolve over time. I personally have certainly evolved in my own life, and I certainly do think that some people can change, and learn, and grow, but I think it really all depends in where they’re starting from, and how much time they’ve been alive. There are some people that are just completely beyond hope, and we really just need to kill them off, the same way we kill off bad dogs.

When someone’s pitbull eats the mailman’s dick, no one thinks “Well, I guess we need to train that little fella and teach him to stop doing that.” No, you’re like, “Shit, I need to kill that fucking crazy dog.”

That’s the way it should be for people, too. You catch a grown man fucking a 10 year old boy, you’re not supposed to lock him up and give him therapy… you’re supposed to gun him down in a crowded arena and stream the whole event live on the internet.

Maybe he’ll come back as a beautiful sparrow and start all over again, but in this life… you fucked the catcher of the little league team, and you gotta go.

It’s not like if we didn’t kill the creep he’s going to live forever and cure cancer."

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