I think you grow up tough if your dad's a writer.

Tougher if that writer is Warren Ellis. These are brilliant and funny. More at the link.

Things I May Have Said To My Daughter - Warren Ellis:

"Shut up or you and all your little friends are going to prison."

"I can have Santa Claus killed by old gangsters in Shoebury for less than your goddamn Barbies cost, so don't fuck with me."

"Go and tell your mother that you want to be a 'retroactive abortion'. Here, let me write it down for you."

"Ask your mother what 'fucker' means. Tell her I called her one too."

"No, you can't have a kitten. You know the fluffy gloves you wear in winter? They used to be kittens. We're not allowed to have them now."

"I can hide your body where no-one will find it. Do your fucking homework."

"I can sell you to chimney sweeps. They put you on the end of a stick and shove you up fireplaces. Well, do your fucking homework then."

(C) Warren Ellis 2004, 2007"