My wife beats me.

Contrary to the picture, she usually doesn't leave any evidence.

But truthfully, this shiner is courtesy of that unstoppable punching machine, that terminator of the dojo, Tatsuya. Though remarkably, it's not the product of his endless barrage of sledgehammer-like fists, but from when we clashed heads wrestling. Though the bruises on my legs are from his kicks, and the pulled muscle in my upper back is from his wrenching my head about.

Bit of a scare a couple weeks ago, when Sandy got out of the shower and all of a sudden her eye looked like this [the "before" picture] -

Can cause a bit of a panic when it looks like one is bleeding from the eye. But despite the worry, it's actually a relatively innocuous condition, as diagnosed by the physician as a subconjunctival hemorrhage, via Wikipedia:

A subconjunctival hemorrhage is bleeding underneath the conjunctiva. The conjunctiva contains many small, fragile blood vessels that are easily ruptured or broken. When this happens, blood is leaked into the space between the conjunctiva and sclera.

Whereas a bruise typically appears black or blue underneath the skin, a subconjunctival hemorrhage initially appears bright red underneath the transparent conjunctiva. Later the hemorrhage may spread and become green or yellow, like a bruise. Usually this disappears within 2 weeks.

Although its appearance may be alarming, a subconjunctival hemorrhage is generally a painless and harmless condition

So after two weeks and eye drops and some other meds, all is well, as you can easily see in the "after" photo below.