"Disclaimer: If you are unhappy, do not take speed. I am not a doctor."

Scott Adams cures depression forever. Brilliant. And funny.

Optimist Cures Unhappiness – Wins Some Sort of Prize

...I remember reading the wisdom of some fitness expert who said, “Sometimes you think you’re tired but you’re really thirsty.” The idea is that dehydration makes you feel sluggish. For some reason I had never noticed the correlation. Since then I have confirmed that it’s true. Often I can replenish my energy just by drinking water. The funny part is that somehow I had never noticed this on my own. How could I be so ignorant of my own body?

I also used to have a huge problem of getting sleepy in the afternoon. I always assumed it was for the obvious reason – I was tired. I work hard, don’t sleep enough, end of story. But one day I read that carbs make you sleepy. So I started avoiding any serious carbs until dinner time. Result: I almost never get tired in the afternoon. I admit that this seems too easy to be true, especially since I never noticed the correlation until a few years ago. So I test it occasionally just to see if I’m imagining it. Yesterday I couldn’t resist and ate some leftover Indian food with white rice for lunch. By 2 pm I was in a virtual coma.

With those two examples as your context, I give you my insight that will change the world (or get crushed by a manure-scented boot):

Sometimes you think you’re unhappy, but you’re really tired.

...Since I first had this thought I’ve been monitoring my own moods. Sure enough, any time I’m cranky, I’m also feeling low on energy. But if I force myself to work out, hydrate, and eat some protein, my mood always improves. It works every time. Energy = happy.

I often hear people say they can’t get out of bed because they are depressed. They’re stuck in a vicious cycle. Staying in bed saps your energy, which makes you feel bad, which makes you stay in bed. So I wonder what would happen to a clinically depressed person if a doctor just gave him speed. I think he’d get happy(er) fast.

If my splendid idea has any merit, it means that instead of treating mood problems with Prozac and whatnot, you can just treat the energy level with exercise and diet and coffee. And if that doesn’t work, try speed. Once the energy problem is solved, the mood follows.

Disclaimer: If you are unhappy, do not take speed. I am not a doctor.

...Lastly, I think overweight people get their energy (and therefore happiness) from eating. Food always wakes you up, at least while you eat it. Thin, athletic people get energy (and therefore happiness) from exercise. Stay away from any thin people over the age of 35 who don’t exercise and aren’t taking some sort of drug (nicotine, speed, etc.) Those people are probably very unhappy and don’t know why. It’s only a matter of time before they blame you.