Visiting Jiichan

Last month on the solstice, as is Japanese custom, we visited Jiichan's gravesite.

Death, and the rituals that accompany it, generally make me feel a bit disconnected. From "normal" people, leastways. I can't say that I can relate to the way the vast majority of people deal with death. I mean that whatever made Jiichan "Jiichan", well, it's no more at his gravesite than anywhere else. His personality, his soul, his karma... his essence... it no longer resides in any "place". Gravesites, cemetaries, memorials... all always struck me more as being for those "left behind" than in any respect for those that have "passed on". A way of psychological coping with the impermanence of life and the reality of death.

But still. If there is an afterlife, and some portion of our consciousness passes on after the end of the physical body, then I suppose it's as present at a grave as anywhere else. But I'd say whatever that is, that consciousness, it's probably around, in all places, all the time.

Whatever the reality of consciousness, the body, after we've travelled our experience on earth, and as vital as it is to that... well, after you die, I don't imagine it much matters what happens to it. Both Sandy and I will probably go the cremation route, with ashes scattered someplace cool. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, but the express version. Maybe Hawaii, a beach somewhere.

But still.

There's something's oddly comforting with the ritual of attending to a gravesite. We took flowers and snacks to place on his grave and cleaned the site. Baachan talked to him and made Sandy rub the top of his cremation urn. It was nice. I did think it was a shame that we hadn't brought any alcohol to leave at the grave, like many other sites had. He did enjoy a bit of the drink. Luckily, they sold beer at the cemetary, so I decided to pick up one and leave it for him.

It probably didn't mean anything, but I think he would have liked that.