blog.myspace.com/talkingmonkey:
"I always have torn feelings about the zoo. I love watching animals, but I hate the fact that theyre locked up.
I watch these tortured creatures pace around in their small little cells, and I wonder how it feels.
The chimps are the weirdest, because they look so much like people.
Why is it ok to do this? Why is it ok to snatch animals up out of their home, and lock them up in a cage? I look around at all the happy, smiling people, and I wonder why theyre not getting bummed out by all this shit the way I am.
Little fat kids wander around, barely interested.
They point, and the chimps stare at them.
...Our thirst for knowledge leads us to justify some pretty fucking cruel shit.
Just watching the lions pace about in this tiny yard makes your heart ache.
Its not like theyre bad lions, and thats why they get locked up. No, they just happened to be hanging out in Africa in the wrong spot at the wrong time, and now they find themselves years later caged in this tiny area that they will most likely die in.
...Ive always thought that at the very least we should let the Lions chase and kill their own food.
I also think feeding them prisoners would be a great idea.
I mean, if youre going to kill the prisoner anyway, why not let a lion do it and have a little fun? Why do you want the guy to die an easy, pain free death? I mean, not to be cruel or anything, but the guy is going to fucking die. What difference does it make if it takes 5 minutes or 5 seconds? In the end, the guy is fucking dead.
Just as a means of saving the tax payers money, I think it would be a great idea.
It costs good money to throw someone in the gas chamber, and then you gotta autopsy and bury the body even more hard earned taxpayer money gone to waste.
Why do all that when you can just feed them to the lions?
Why waste a perfectly good chunk of flesh? I mean, people are edible, right? And it costs money to get meat for the lions, right? Well, there you have it. Two birds with one stone. Plus, how fucking bad ass would the zoo be if you got there on rapist and murderer day? How sick would it be if they never removed the carcasses, and you could go to the zoo and see the bones of 20 dead douche bags scattered throughout the lions cage?
Im not saying we should do this for all crimes, but I strongly feel that if you rape and murder someone it should be ok to feed you to the lions.
Put it on the internet as some sort of a pay per view and you could use the proceeds to balance the budget. Everybody wins. Once less douche bag in the world, the lion gets to have fun, and instead of costing the people money, its earning.
I know what youre saying, Why, if we did put something like that on TV, civilization would fall apart! Trust me, Fear Factor didnt knock us off our current course, and I dont think Prisoners vs. Lions: Primal Justice would either.
...Its kind of amazing that people are still willing to argue that humans didnt come from chimps, especially now that theyve mapped out the human genome, and discovered that we're 96 to 99 % chimpanzee. What does it take for people to admit that we came from them? I have a bit about it in my act, if I gave you a sandwich, and it was 99% shit and 1% ham would you call that a ham sandwich?
The thing I always think about when I see apes, is that if we evolved from them, what the fuck are they still doing here? How come some of us became these super smart creatures with language, and technology and creativity, while the rest of the chimps just decided to stay exactly as they are?
Kinda weird when you think about it.
Terence McKenna believed that it was because some of the apes discovered and started eating psilocybin mushrooms. It was his theory that as the climate changed, and the rain forest receded into grasslands, some of the apes started eating these mushrooms as a regular part of their diet, and along the way they developed new ways of thinking.
If youve ever done mushrooms, then you probably know some of the logic behind his theory.
At low doses, psilocybin actually increases visual acuity, and makes you horny.
An increase in visual acuity would make you a more effective hunter, and the horniness of course would cause you to breed more often.
What these mushrooms do at high doses is that they give you a completely different way of looking at the world. Like a giant pause button that allows you to step out of a scene, and take a fresh look at it, free from the constraints of normal patterns of thinking, and even your own preconceived notions of yourself.
You can achieve some fascinating revelations when youre on them.
So what you would have if our ancestors started eating these things on a regular basis, is a bunch of really aware, thinking, horny apes that can see really well.
Now, Im no scientist, but that sounds like a recipe for evolution to me.
...I think with some people it wouldnt even matter. They want to believe what they want to believe, and all the evidence in the world isnt going to change that.
I didnt come from some drug addict monkey!
Are you sure?
...I dont think we can remove ourselves from being human enough to really appreciate the absurdity that is us. I think Im aware of it to a certain extent, but then again Im just as retarded as everyone else is. Its like I have moments of complete clarity, surrounded by periods in time where Im yelling at some shitty driver. Alone, in my car, the windows are up, he cant even hear me, and Im in my car yelling at the top of my lungs You dumb motherfucker!! Without fail, every time I do something like that, as soon as I do it, I sit around going, What the fuck is wrong with me? What kind of retard am I for freaking out about something that stupid? I mean, there are some really important things to focus on in this short life, and the guy in front of you that doesnt have the balls to merge isnt one of them. It should mean absolutely nothing to me, but here I am sitting in traffic allowing myself to get worked up.
...Ive always said that if there are aliens out there, I think Earth is like the Tijuana of outerspace. I dont think they come here to save people, I just think they come here when theyre fucked up, and they want to see a show.
Theyre pulling a late night, and someone gets crazy and wants to go to earth.
I mean, just think about the main thing that people associate with alien abduction. I dont even have to tell you what it is, we all know it. Its like the two things go hand in hand; alien abduction anal probe.
I mean what the fuck is that all about? Aliens dont have an MRI machine? No, I think they do it for a goof. They stick things up our asses because when they do, we make a funny face.
Then they erase the bad memory and deposit you back in your bed."
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