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Warrenellis.com » The Long March To Nerd Prom Begins:
"Ellis: ...there are one hundred thousand hungry people out there who need to attend San Diego Comics Convention in order to walk right past all that comics shit and go straight to sniffing Brandon Routh’s cricketbox, sending bits of themselves to the cast of SERENITY and masturbating ferociously in the men’s stalls while wearing V FOR VENDETTA masks and discounted Hulk Hands.
No, of course I’m not going.
Nerd Prom: It Begins Now. Never forget.
Whedon: Who is this Ellis guy anyway? He thinks he all that cuz he wroted “Planety”. The facts is, KomiKon is AWESOME becuz people dress up like stuff — but nobody dresses like Warner Ellis, I guess, mister sour grapes. I talked to Sumner Glou and she said nobody ever mailed her body parts except for one time an arm and then a messenger brought her a thyroid gland but big deal, SERENDIPITY fans happen to be the most tastefullest fans who have extra or redundant body parts.
The best thing about Comicvention is the girls are pretty and the younglings are pretty (is that a legal issue?) and the men is pretty when they are Jedi but not so much Sith. I like to meet the Comedy Books artists (Not everyone wants to meet Angelina Michelle Watts, you know) and to buy a picture of an elf or dragon already. So stay off this grumpity webcamsite becuz Warner Ellis is just a grouchypants! I met a real General Griefuss, who amongst you can say that?
Peace, dog.
Altho that hulk hands thing was me. Sorry. Romulan Ale.
Ellis: There will, of course, be revenge.
Whedon: Revenge, eh? So, mister Ellis — (swishes brandy in large glass) — let the games begin, unless they are games of skill, or physical exertion of any kind, or with math. I know the bitter bitter truth, why you are so threatened by my genius, my, class, my big glass of brandy. It’s because you’re so OLD, so terribly terribly OLD, isn’t it! Mountains were hills when you were middle-aged. I hear you left your wife for a younger, trophy Cromagnon. And that you’re… that a young person would find you strange, and… from many years of… you being… DAMN! This round to you, Ellis. But the game is far –(drains Brandy, gasps like beached whale) — from over.
Ellis: I am twenty years younger than Joss Whedon.
Also, HE cannot hide things in his beard.
…of course, he can pay people to do that for him now. He can even pay people to grow the beard for him. And he doesn’t have to run his own website to look big and clever on the internets.
Whedon: All right, Ellis, I am a couple of decades older than you. Touche. But you don’t know all of it. Jeph Loebi-Wan never told you the truth about your father…
Yes. You’re my youngling. Oh for chrissake, everybody knows it but you! Even my beard-growers speak of it freely! Now join me and together we can rule an infintisinimimmsally tiny portion of the galaxy and have a mildly amusing interweb flame war! If you only knew the power of the Hack Side! Join me. Seriously. I’ll cut off your other hand, you pansy.
Ellis: Every time you say “youngling”, I throw up in my mouth a little bit. And look around to see if John Munch from SVU is in the room.
Look, everybody. Joss and Warren are avoiding writing.
[Later]
Joss Whedon: Wow, we both went right to the cross-dressing humor! This is just like the Algonquin round table, except there’s only two of us, and no table, and no particular surfeit of wit, and no great certainty about how spell ‘Algonquin’. Huzzah!
Ellis: The last time I was at San Diego, I saw a porn star being bitched out by a midget pimp. Who was not a pimp of midgets, but a midget who was also a pimp.
Your tv show FIREFOX should have had midget pimps in it.
Is that a guy from The CW I see over there?
Whedon: Well, this has been educational. But it’s hard to type while I’m holding Warren. So on to greater things. Lunch things. May the Federation be with you, or something. Nerds.
Ellis: Move your hand, Joss. Yes.
If you loved me, you’d hold me THERE.
Time for a cigarette. Take it easy, people."
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