Your job, should you choose to accept it - " ...face what the world is and face the job of making it better."

Alchemical Braindamage:

"Questions are powerful, because depending on how you shape them, they open up a space your mind is compelled to fill... If you ask... why you're such a fuckup, then your mind will fill that space you opened with something. So be careful. You don't need superhuman intelligence giving you superhumanly accurate reasons why you're a failure in all your relationships, why your job sucks and how you'll failed everyone you ever cared about. It's not much fun, believe me.

On the other hand, if you use them well, they can unlock that holistic right brain integrative function that most of us can't quite get a grasp of. It works in much the same way the use of divination does. Treating symbols as answers does more or less the same thing. Since we've already done that, you might want to try it...

...I quit the old job once I was getting money for massage work, which freed me up to do things that actually meant something to me. I have so much more energy, now thatI don't have to bridge the disconnect between the job I was doing and my purpose in life. That kind of thing drains you a lot.

I have more time to train and study. I worried that there wasn't going to be enough time to do everything, but as my mind got stronger and I felt better, the days went farther and I did more with them.

I eat better, feel better and look better. I'm more relaxed, more flexible and faster than ever. I can read a book each day easily in a couple hours. It's hard work to do so much and finish it all every day, but it's easier than not doing it, you know what I mean?

I'm more confident, now that I don't have to justify not doing everything I'm capable of. I'd rather be exhausted than frustrated and ashamed of myself any day of the week.

I make more money and spend less. Pretty soon I'll have enough to go to japan to train or maybe new jersey and the tracker school. I'm thinking about perhaps buying land the way Ran Prieur did.

...Spend less time thinking about what you're going to do and just do it. Like I said, it is hard work, you know that, but doing it is easier than feeling like shit for not doing it. You know well that getting off your ass is the hardest part.

Be more open and giving with people. Yes, they don't understand where you're coming from. And yes it's not easy explain to them, but you don't have to. You're never going to be a boring person, so quit trying to protect yourself from them. Petty and vindictive people will be petty and vindictive people, the last thing you want is to become just like them. It won't kill you to smile a bit more. Not everyone is a broken robot who needs a shrink. It feels good to help, but it also feels good to be friendly.

Other than that, quit wasting so much time on trivia. Going back to the same websites ten times a day isn't helping anything except to take the edge of your boredom. Practice more instead.

...There's only so much preperation you can do. Risk can only be reduced so far, no matter how much you study and train. Don't fall so in love with skills and knowledge that you hesitiate to give yourself when it's needed.

Don't forget that all you really want is to connect with a larger purpose. At a certain point you have to make a leap of faith and trust that you will either survive it or you won't. But at least you will be where you were meant to be. That's not easy to accept, but it's the truth and you know it."