12 Step Guide To Keeping Proper Perspective

Head Wide Open: 12 Step Guide To Keeping Proper Perspective:

"1. READ THE PAPER and realize how miniscule your problems really are in the scheme of things. This will provoke simulaneous feelings of relief and depression, which should balance each other out enough to create an approximation of normalcy.
2. LOOK AROUND AT A CROWD OF PEOPLE and realize you're not the ugliest or stupidest one in it. If by chance you actually are, go to downtown Buffalo, Pittsburgh, Oshawa or Hamilton and repeat this step.
3. WATCH RAP VIDEOS and realize that no matter how stupid you may look, sound or feel, if you wear it with confidence people won't question it.
4. LOOK AT THAT PAINTING OF A SKULL THAT SAYS 'ALL IS VANITY.' That shit really makes you think.
5. OBSERVE THE MONKEYS AT THE ZOO and realize sometimes happiness requires taking a few steps backwards on the evolutionary scale.
6. TALK TO ANY VAPID, WESTERNIZED CHILD OF POOR, PERSECUTED IMMIGRANTS and realize how quickly and quietly history can be overcome.
7. SLAP YOURSELF IN THE FACE and realize that, hey, it hurts for a little bit but rejection doesn't leave a mark.
8. GO TO THE BEACH and swim as far from shore as possible. Look at how dry and depressing the surface world looks and reflect on how God must feel.
9. READ NIETZSCHE and realize that no matter how brilliant you think your cynical observations are, you're just going to end up going crazy at the sight of a man beating a horse and have your legacy exploited by your sister to support the Nazis.
10. PAINT YOUR FACE BLACK and go out in public. Count the number of dirty looks you get and realize racism is alive and well.
11. LAUGH AT YOURSELF because it's the only joke you'll ever really get.
12. SLEEP IT OFF and see how you feel in the morning."