"Single Ladies Devastation" - sometimes little kids crying is funny.

Man, little kids are sensitive. Still funny tho'

"What's a nubian?" - Classic.

From Chasing Amy, of course.

I'll never understand how people don't get it's all quite insane.

"The Bible is not my Book and Christianity is not my religion. I could never give assent to the long complicated statements of Christian dogma." - Abraham Lincoln

Apparently I need to read some Charles Bukowski.

It's always trippy/disconcerting/a relief/creepy when you read stuff you've thought come out of someone else's pen/mind.

Top Ten - Top 10 Charles Bukowski Quotes - Top 10 - Ham on Rye - Factotum:

""The nine-to-five is one of the greatest atrocities sprung upon mankind. You give your life away to a function that doesn't interest you. This situation so repelled me that I was driven to drink, starvation, and mad females, simply as an alternative." —Sunlight Here I Am: Interviews & Encounters 1963-1993, 2003

"It was true that I didn't have much ambition, but there ought to be a place for people without ambition, I mean a better place than the one usually reserved. How in the hell could a man enjoy being awakened at 6:30 a.m. by an alarm clock, leap out of bed, dress, force-feed, shit, piss, brush teeth and hair, and fight traffic to get to a place where essentially you made lots of money for somebody else and were asked to be grateful for the opportunity to do so?" —Factotum, 1975

"I could see the road ahead of me. I was poor and I was going to stay poor. But I didn't particularly want money. I didn't know what I wanted. Yes, I did. I wanted someplace to hide out, someplace where one didn't have to do anything. The thought of being something didn't only appall me, it sickened me . . . To do things, to be part of family picnics, Christmas, the 4th of July, Labor Day, Mother's Day . . . was a man born just to endure those things and then die? I would rather be a dishwasher, return alone to a tiny room and drink myself to sleep."  —Ham on Rye, 1982

"Drinking is an emotional thing. It joggles you out of the standardism of everyday life, out of everything being the same. It yanks you out of your body and your mind and throws you against the wall. I have the feeling that drinking is a form of suicide where you're allowed to return to life and begin all over the next day. It's like killing yourself, and then you're reborn. I guess I've lived about ten or fifteen thousand lives now." —Interview, London Magazine, December 1974-January 1975

"I was naturally a loner, content just to live with a woman, eat with her, sleep with her, walk down the street with her. I didn't want conversation, or to go anywhere except the racetrack or the boxing matches. I didn't understand t.v. I felt foolish paying money to go into a movie theatre and sit with other people to share their emotions. Parties sickened me. I hated the game-playing, the dirty play, the flirting, the amateur drunks, the bores." —Women, 1978

"There's nothing to mourn about death any more than there is to mourn about the growing of a flower. What is terrible is not death but the lives people live or don't live up until their death. They don't honor their own lives, they piss on their lives. They shit them away. Dumb fuckers. They concentrate too much on fucking, movies, money, family, fucking. Their minds are full of cotton. They swallow God without thinking, they swallow country without thinking. Soon they forget how to think, they let others think for them. Their brains are stuffed with cotton. They look ugly, they talk ugly, they walk ugly. Play them the great music of the centuries and they can't hear it. Most people's deaths are a sham. There's nothing left to die." —The Captain Is Out to Lunch and the Sailors Have Taken Over the Ship, 1998

"The problem was you had to keep choosing between one evil or another, and no matter what you chose, they sliced a little bit more off you, until there was nothing left. At the age of 25 most people were finished. A whole god-damned nation of assholes driving automobiles, eating, having babies, doing everything in the worst way possible, like voting for the presidential candidates who reminded them most of themselves. I had no interests. I had no interest in anything. I had no idea how I was going to escape. At least the others had some taste for life. They seemed to understand something that I didn't understand. Maybe I was lacking. It was possible. I often felt inferior. I just wanted to get away from them. But there was no place to go." —Ham on Rye, 1982"

How I roll on Easter weekend.

"I was over in Australia during Easter, which was really interesting. You know, they celebrate Easter the exact same way we do, commemorating the death and resurrection of Jesus by telling our children that a giant bunny rabbit … left chocolate eggs in the night. Now … I wonder why we're fucked up as a race. I've read the Bible. I can't find the word "bunny" or "chocolate" anywhere in the fucking book." - Bill Hicks

What. The. F&*ck? - "Ind. officer uses stun gun on... 10-year-old."

Ind. officer uses stun gun on unruly 10-year-old - Yahoo! News:

"Two officers called to a home day care to subdue an unruly 10-year-old have been suspended after one used a stun gun on the boy and another slapped him in the mouth, a central Indiana police chief said Thursday.

...In a written report, Johnson said he showed the child his stun gun and pushed the button to display the zap of electricity. He told the child he would use the gun if the boy didn't settle down."

At which point, when the kid didn't comply, OF COURSE he had to tase him, because the kid defied his "authori-tay!"  And you have to follow up on a threat you make to a 94lb child, or it makes you look weak. The contemptuous a$$hole.

Watched - Movies.

Like 3 months worth of movie watching here...

Eh, okay, I guess... if you're into that kinda thing
Observe and Report - tried too hard to be dark and edgy
Paul Blart: Mall Cop - the clear winner of the battle of the mall cop movies
Zack & Miri Make a Porno - I haven't really felt a Kevin Smith film since Clerks II
Fanboys - thought it'd be better
Surfer, Dude - not Mcconaughey's finest work
Couples Retreat - with this cast, shoud've been waaaaaay better
W - Brolin's performance was good, but wasn't served by the script
School for Scoundrels - not bad, really...  predictable though
The Informers - just not that good a film...  I imagine it makes Brett Easton Ellis cry
Be Cool - likewise, this probably made Elmore Leonard cry
Margaret Cho: Beautiful - I really dug Cho's early specials, the last few didn't really do it for me...  this was a step up, but still kind of "eh" for me

Pretty good
Rules of Engagement - older flick, Tommy Lee Jones & Sam Jackson as jarheads
The Proposal - surprisingly good romcom
American Gangster - Denzel and Russell Crowe ensures impressive acting
Ghosts of Girlfriends Past - funny
The Ron Clark Story - was watching an education docu with clips from the film, so decided to check it out.  Dig Matthew Perry and while the inspirational/motivational "true story" is a little cliched, it IS based on a true story that's pretty cool.  Ended up picking up some books by Ron Clark on education.  Good stuff.  Review on that to come later.
Walking Tall - the remake.  Good, if cliched, action-y fun
12 Angry Men - never seen the Henry Fonda version, despite being in the high school play... still remembered some lines of dialogue...  crazy
Wilde - it is, indeed, probably the role Stephen Fry was born to play
Get Smart - Steve Carrell, pretty funny
Fred Claus - Vince Vaughn, likewise

Recommended
The Hangover - hilarious


District 9 - maybe some of the best scifi of the last few years


A Christmas Story - obligatory Xmas watching


Crank: High Voltage - turn your brain off, enjoy the ride












Zombieland - rivals Shaun of the Dead as best zombie comedy ever

The Wrestler - outstanding performance by Rourke, a moving film...  really resonated with me


Big Fan - Patton Oswalt showed off some damn impressive acting chops in this...  you slowly get to watch an obsessive compulsive spiral downward










The Ringer - yes, a 5 year old Johnny Knoxville flick makes the "recommended" cut...  I lmao...  and it made a potentially cringe worthy film damn funny

Sherlock Holmes
- saw it in the theater... count me among the fans of Downey & Law as Sherlock and Watson.  The script could've been better, but the visuals and the acting were top notch.  Just a lot of fun.

[...and watching Sherlock Holmes led me to track down a copy of] The Seven Percent Solution - based on one of the best Holmes pastiches of all times - outstanding book by Nicholas Meyer I first read back in high school - Alan Arkin as Freud, Robert Duvall as Watson... good stuff.  [The link on the left takes you to Amazon, but if you've got a region free DVD player, you can get it for cheap from Amazon.co.uk]





Three outstanding comedy specials you can't go wrong with - Eddie Izzard: Stripped



Eddie Izzard: Wembley



Doug Stanhope - Deadbeat Hero













Finally, Justice League: Crisis on Two Earths - damn good animation, story, voice acting, action/fight scenes... for geeks only, clearly.  But awesome.

Watched - a month's worth of TV.

Been procrastinating this for a while...

Smallville, Batman The Brave and The Bold, Men of a Certain Age, Burn Notice, NCIS, The Daily Show, Modern Family, The Middle, Community, Parks and Recreation, Archer, Castle, House, SNL, The Big Bang Theory, Scrubs, 30 Rock, UFC 110, The Human Target, Ugly Americans, Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution, UFC Vera vs Jones, Dream 13, TUF

In particular...

Justified - Bullock from Deadwood VS Shane from The Shield?  Sign me up.  Great show.

Blue Mountain State - goofy, immature, juvenile.  So, yeah, I enjoyed the hell out of it.

The Pacific - Cleary no Band of Brothers.  Hasn't really captured my attention.  And I really wanted to like it, too.

Stossel - Occasionally over the top and a bit goofy - 'shattering conventional wisdom'?  Really? - And anything involving the studio audience is a waste of time, but they have some fascinating stuff.  Their episodes on Education, Medicine, Prohibition and Licensing were all excellent.

Newswipe with Charlie Brooker, Series 1 & 2 - take Jon Stewart, make it British, more caustic, cynical and funny and that's Newswipe. TOTAL WIN. The 2nd series, as a whole, serve as a brutally effective takedown of the complete inanity of modern 'news' services.  Plus bonus Doug Stanhope as the "American correspondent."









Older made for TV movies [the internet is glorious] based on the Robert B. Parker Spenser novels - Ceremony, Pale Kings and Princes, Judas Goat, A Savage Place - all entertaining, and you can't beat Avery Brooks as Hawk.






Mentalist - a good show, noted here from a line of dialogue I couldn't help but notice - "a punched in mirror is an act of self hatred" ---  Helloooo college! 

Community - Lee Majors = WIN.

The return of Breaking Bad is great TV.  "I'm the bad guy."  Indeed.

"Into the boat... into the tunnel... get to the chopper!"

This is awesome.
YouTube - 160 Greatest Arnold Schwarzenegger Quotes

"Understanding Christianese-Lesson 1"

That's good stuff.

Geek - Gasm. *Blackest Night #8 Spoiler*

I have geek related goosebumps.

April Fool's Day + Google Translate + Japan = WIN.

You must click - Google Translate

"If you're drinking at 4 in the morning... you should be home. Alone. Coping with a problem." - Morgan Murphy is pretty damn funny.

Via Warren Ellis - Morgan Murphy On The Jimmy Fallon Show

OH. YES. - [the new] 'The Expendables' Trailer HD

'I suppose technically, you'd have to put me down as an agnostic. But if there is a God, and He is as the Christians describe Him, then He deserves to be put down and rebelled against.' - Philip Pullman.

Ha. Ha.

"I'ma show you how great I am."

Via RossTraining.com Blog : Powerful Beyond Measure Video

"Explore, and explore, and explore. Be neither chided nor flattered out of your position of perpetual inquiry. Neither dogmatise yourself, nor accept another's dogmatism." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

The greatest Star Wars/Jay Z hiphop/geek mashup, perhaps, in history.

You haven't lived till you've seen a Wookie b-boy.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Via Wednesday Runaround – Getting Down With Vader Bleeding Cool Comic Book News and Rumors

Wyatt Cenac lays the smackdown.

It reads funny, but it's really the delivery that sells it. I don't even think it's a good health care bill, but this rocks.

"As I listen to health care opponents talking about rising up and revolution I guess my one thought is - bring it on. Let's fucking do this. I'm kinda sick of their shit. We have guns too. If passing health care forces them to throw bricks through my window, then what does throwing bricks through my window force me to do to them? I mean, I don't wanna fight, but now I guess I kinda wanna do."
[Go to about 5:40 in the clip]

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Health Care Slime Machine
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Health Care Reform

Civil Asset Forfeiture = Theft Under Color of Authority.

The annual spring vacation cleaning of the desk...

...turns up a reminder that I am so loved, I am featured on school publications.  [Okay, liked, at least.]

That is my easily discernible shaved dome, indeed.

I can, apparently, only cook in bulk.

I'd actually intended this to be much smaller.  Ended up with 4 meals, at least, in there.

Eggs, 1/2 red onion, red pepper, tomato & mushrooms...

Topped with salsa...

...or cheese.

I am mighty, indeed.

Training.

3/29 - P90X - Day 22 - 65m [of 90m] of Yoga X - still remains the most difficult of P90X wkouts.  Which, you know, is good.  Because hard is good.

3/30 - P90X - 23 - Core Synergetics, which, after a half-pint of Jack Daniel's, strikes me as nothing short of impressive.  And holy jesus, that was much harder than a 'core' wkout during the 'recovery' week should be.  Ended up just holding plank position during some of the harder moves.

A million times YES. - "Philip Pullman on censorship..."

Via the Boing - Philip Pullman on censorship and free speech -- pithy and wonderful - Boing Boing:

"It was a shocking thing to say and I knew it was a shocking thing to say. But no one has the right to live without being shocked. No one has the right to spend their life without being offended."

Warren Ellis provides you with THE essential cocktail recipe.

Via Warren Ellis - T-shirt Of The Week 016: COCKTAIL RECIPE

NZ is awesome - "Controversial ‘Joseph and Mary In Bed’ Billboard Ad Ruled Not Obscene."

Now that's just funny.

Via Disinformation - Controversial ‘Joseph and Mary In Bed’ Billboard Ad Ruled Not Obscene