Sunday, April 06, 2008

Procrastination via Perfectionism.

"...there's a difference between knowing the path and walking the path." - Morpheus, to Neo, in The Matrix.

I don't know when I started doing it... this idea that when I know "enough" or when I craft the "perfect" plan to do something, then, and only then can I start working it.

[Though you know, thinking about it, I've probably always done it. I've always been rewarded - from parents, teachers, siblings, whoever - for being "smart." Parents lavished praise and people gave me attention because I was oh, so clever. So study harder. And learn more. And when you can show people just how clever you are, then you'll get their approval and love. The smarter you can be, the more people will like you. Boy, that's a scarily dysfunctional can o' worms to crack open, so let's just leave it at that, for now. ]

Learning and studying and finding the absolute right way to do something, and then I can begin. But there is no one right way [I read that in a book] and there's always, always, always gonna be more information to learn. Procrastination via Perfectionism.

Time to get outta my head so much, start walking the path again, and stop with the bullshit.

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